It's certainly something to continue to be with. Katy Bowman talks about making things less convenient so we have to move more as well, because our physical bodies need to move. Physically, many of us have adapted to not moving. Emotionally we have adapted to making things easier and easier. It's an adaptation - which is why shifting it is a challenge and takes patience and time. We have to both challenge ourselves a little but not overdo it so that we an adapt the other way. (Just like you can't go from sitting all day to running a marathon in one step.) I think continuing to be aware of it and not always just going for easier, faster, more convenient is really wise.
We’re perpetually distracted, unfocused, and in a rush. I feel like it’s all related. Customers huff at the single person taking too long in front of them, then by their turn have called someone on speakerphone, are buying something online, and struggle to maintain focus long enough to even tell my why they stood in line to begin with!
Years ago, before I met Ben, I was on a first date and he had to excuse himself to the restroom. I sat there and looked at all the other patrons, took a few deep breaths, and just waited. When he came back he was like “ok you passed the test” - he told me he always went to the bathroom on a first date and then looked to see if the woman was on their phone while he was gone lol. I’ve never felt so smug in my whole life.
Love all the thoughts this piece inspired as I mulled over your articulate writing. Convenience is such a "serious" concept for all the reasons you express and perhaps in the culture of the US leads to further waste (ie. plastic food containers!), carelessness and LESS convenience - many are drawn in by the luster of convenience only to create another window of time to work harder - and is that really the point? Keep these ideas coming - you are so good at what you do.
I love your work, this piece included. I did find myself thinking that I have a very different perspective on some of this! I’m an autistic person and my wife is physically disabled; we have very different needs but often those needs are met by what a lot of people decry as being lazy (in her case) or being disconnected from humanity (for me).
I am 100% with you on the environmental considerations and acutely aware of the labor issues most modern conveniences are hiding. The nuances of all this would fill up way too much space and I am trying to keep this fairly brief, just enough to say that these discussions often make me feel like physically fit, extroverted folks who can embrace “inconveniences” are the morally superior ideal. As someone who falls very far from that description, I end up feeling defensive. Hopefully this comment doesn’t come across as though I think that should be your problem or as a criticism. It’s something I know I need to reflect on more, though I do think my perspective has value too.
Not at all! This was a whole side of the essay I didn't get to (and probably should have) about how collectively supporting conveniences means they're more accessible to the people for whom they're *not* convenient but necessary. We've created all these means to make life more livable for so many people, but I want to incentive other people to not abuse those systems. It's like the Zoom example: yes, we should have town meetings on Zoom. It means it's easier for disabled people, caregivers, and others to attend. But that doesn't mean it's a reason for someone who *can* attend to care less.
I’ve been grappling with this, too, from my small coastal town.
Some of the biggest gifts this place has given me is learning how to cook, mend, be resourceful, and to fall in love with that way of being, a little slower, a little hardier, a little less susceptible to consumption as a cure for anything.
But at the same time, I’m learning that sometimes what could look like “convenience” is also about access - to healthcare when hours may actually make a difference, to our family members who live far away, to other things that we value as much as our self-reliance. There are real tradeoffs to remoteness that work when we are young and healthy and mobile and flush with time and enough disposable income.
But as we bump up against health issues, starting a family, our aging parents, we’re rethinking the value of access and closeness to things and people beyond our beloved remote coastline and redwoods.
I’m getting more comfortable with the idea that the “place” that’s right for us may shapeshift as we do, but it’s really challenging my ideas about committing to and investing in places and communities, and romanticizing the actually very romantic life I do have.
I am very much wrestling with that last idea. I think I *want* to be involved in my community, but I think that requires feeling like I'm all in on that place and its people. And I have yet to feel that attachment. I always feel like I kinda have one foot out the door...
I love that, and have been coming around to the idea that it's always worth it to step into a place fully and pay attention, care, give a shit. Whether 10 years, a month, a day, even if you know you're passing through on your way to somewhere else.
My homesteader (young bride came west in 1910) Grandma was still using her wringer washer when I was a kid in the 60s, sometimes using Naphtha soap in a bar for barn clothes. I was fascinated, seeing those lumps of wet clothes come through the rollers flat as a pancake. I’m telling you, those fabrics were really rinsed!
When the family ‘gifted’ her an automatic washer, it was obvious that things were certainly not as clean. But it freed her from drudgery so much that she started wearing pants in the 60s!! Radical!
I’ve recently gone from crappy coin machines in a filthy outside shed (lukewarm water during early COVID panic too: thanx jerk LL…) to an in house top loader with scalding water if it’s needed and a year later, I still just deeply enjoy caring for my vintage textiles so much.
That’s the only THING that I missed from a horrific marriage; my own WD. And now I have it again. Woohooooo! I really appreciate it so much, processing some musty ol’ treasures from the stanky RV that got leaks.
It’s cool when convenience comes with improved hygiene and aesthetics!
Love to Cooper and his heroic DogMom. Safe travels.
It's certainly something to continue to be with. Katy Bowman talks about making things less convenient so we have to move more as well, because our physical bodies need to move. Physically, many of us have adapted to not moving. Emotionally we have adapted to making things easier and easier. It's an adaptation - which is why shifting it is a challenge and takes patience and time. We have to both challenge ourselves a little but not overdo it so that we an adapt the other way. (Just like you can't go from sitting all day to running a marathon in one step.) I think continuing to be aware of it and not always just going for easier, faster, more convenient is really wise.
I feel like the sister to “enlargement vs happiness” is “fulfillment vs convenience”. Time for another post it on my desk.
We’re perpetually distracted, unfocused, and in a rush. I feel like it’s all related. Customers huff at the single person taking too long in front of them, then by their turn have called someone on speakerphone, are buying something online, and struggle to maintain focus long enough to even tell my why they stood in line to begin with!
Years ago, before I met Ben, I was on a first date and he had to excuse himself to the restroom. I sat there and looked at all the other patrons, took a few deep breaths, and just waited. When he came back he was like “ok you passed the test” - he told me he always went to the bathroom on a first date and then looked to see if the woman was on their phone while he was gone lol. I’ve never felt so smug in my whole life.
Love all the thoughts this piece inspired as I mulled over your articulate writing. Convenience is such a "serious" concept for all the reasons you express and perhaps in the culture of the US leads to further waste (ie. plastic food containers!), carelessness and LESS convenience - many are drawn in by the luster of convenience only to create another window of time to work harder - and is that really the point? Keep these ideas coming - you are so good at what you do.
I love your work, this piece included. I did find myself thinking that I have a very different perspective on some of this! I’m an autistic person and my wife is physically disabled; we have very different needs but often those needs are met by what a lot of people decry as being lazy (in her case) or being disconnected from humanity (for me).
I am 100% with you on the environmental considerations and acutely aware of the labor issues most modern conveniences are hiding. The nuances of all this would fill up way too much space and I am trying to keep this fairly brief, just enough to say that these discussions often make me feel like physically fit, extroverted folks who can embrace “inconveniences” are the morally superior ideal. As someone who falls very far from that description, I end up feeling defensive. Hopefully this comment doesn’t come across as though I think that should be your problem or as a criticism. It’s something I know I need to reflect on more, though I do think my perspective has value too.
Not at all! This was a whole side of the essay I didn't get to (and probably should have) about how collectively supporting conveniences means they're more accessible to the people for whom they're *not* convenient but necessary. We've created all these means to make life more livable for so many people, but I want to incentive other people to not abuse those systems. It's like the Zoom example: yes, we should have town meetings on Zoom. It means it's easier for disabled people, caregivers, and others to attend. But that doesn't mean it's a reason for someone who *can* attend to care less.
I'm glad you raised this. <3
Thanks for sharing your very interesting place. I'm inspired and would live to recommend your substack ❤️
💛
I’ve been grappling with this, too, from my small coastal town.
Some of the biggest gifts this place has given me is learning how to cook, mend, be resourceful, and to fall in love with that way of being, a little slower, a little hardier, a little less susceptible to consumption as a cure for anything.
But at the same time, I’m learning that sometimes what could look like “convenience” is also about access - to healthcare when hours may actually make a difference, to our family members who live far away, to other things that we value as much as our self-reliance. There are real tradeoffs to remoteness that work when we are young and healthy and mobile and flush with time and enough disposable income.
But as we bump up against health issues, starting a family, our aging parents, we’re rethinking the value of access and closeness to things and people beyond our beloved remote coastline and redwoods.
I’m getting more comfortable with the idea that the “place” that’s right for us may shapeshift as we do, but it’s really challenging my ideas about committing to and investing in places and communities, and romanticizing the actually very romantic life I do have.
I am very much wrestling with that last idea. I think I *want* to be involved in my community, but I think that requires feeling like I'm all in on that place and its people. And I have yet to feel that attachment. I always feel like I kinda have one foot out the door...
My own therapist once jostled me into involvement by saying, "but what if you just acted like both feet were in the door for once."
Your therapist is right, but it's HARD 😭
I love that, and have been coming around to the idea that it's always worth it to step into a place fully and pay attention, care, give a shit. Whether 10 years, a month, a day, even if you know you're passing through on your way to somewhere else.
My homesteader (young bride came west in 1910) Grandma was still using her wringer washer when I was a kid in the 60s, sometimes using Naphtha soap in a bar for barn clothes. I was fascinated, seeing those lumps of wet clothes come through the rollers flat as a pancake. I’m telling you, those fabrics were really rinsed!
When the family ‘gifted’ her an automatic washer, it was obvious that things were certainly not as clean. But it freed her from drudgery so much that she started wearing pants in the 60s!! Radical!
I’ve recently gone from crappy coin machines in a filthy outside shed (lukewarm water during early COVID panic too: thanx jerk LL…) to an in house top loader with scalding water if it’s needed and a year later, I still just deeply enjoy caring for my vintage textiles so much.
That’s the only THING that I missed from a horrific marriage; my own WD. And now I have it again. Woohooooo! I really appreciate it so much, processing some musty ol’ treasures from the stanky RV that got leaks.
It’s cool when convenience comes with improved hygiene and aesthetics!
Love to Cooper and his heroic DogMom. Safe travels.
Very erudite discussion!
You make me think so we’ll, Kelton. Thank you for sharing and diving into these mucky areas that maybe aren’t so lucky after all.
You’ve put into words something I’ve been wanting (needing?) to articulate for a very long time. Thank you.