I've always said "be careful" to my kids, and probably always will. What it means is, "I love you." What it means is, "Take care of my heart." A really beautiful piece of writing.
I always say to my teens “Stay safe, make good choices.” My husband always adds, “Drjve fast, take chances” to counter me. I guess we hope they land safely somewhere in between safety & adventure… 😉🙏🏼🤞
I've been resisting saying "y'all" for 30+ years but I occasionally find myself slipping. I guess that's what all those years in Virginia did to me. I don't know whether it's much of thing now, probably is, but there were programs for people who wanted to pursue a career in broadcasting where they worked on extinguishing their Southern accents.
As a father of 3 boys, young men I should say, "take care" and "drive safely" are the phrases of choice. In our case this has a poignant special meaning because one of them died in an accident with a truck while driving home from college. For us, there's always the truth that, like your neighbor, we may never see them again.
This makes me think that having some anxiety about your loved one and admonishing him or her to be careful is just as appropriate whether they are going back-country skiing or camping or to the grocery store to get a bottle of milk. So, take care of yourself, both of you.
It is crazy how quickly "be careful" (in German, "Vorsicht!", which, as always, sounds even more menacing somehow 😅) finds its way into your vocabulary with a mini around - and mine isn't even walking yet, but she is a wonderful, wild child. I always think of two things when she's climbing on me and anything else I let her, probing for openings or footholds: One, I am so happy that she feels safe with me and trusts that someone has her back, so she can explore and crawl and climb with abandon. And two, whether I say "Vorsicht" (literally, "have foresight"), or "Pass auf" (pay attention), or whatever it may be, it just means that I am paying attention and I care, and I really can't ask more of myself on most days of being a mother.
Be careful. Cuidado. Too often sounds like: don't go. don't do anything that will make me worry. don't get out of your comfortable and safe chair. So much better: know the risks, be prepared, have fun. Thank you!
I don't remember my parents saying be careful. However, I lived with my aunt and uncle for a few years in my early 20's. My aunt would say "be careful!" as I left the house and I would say "not this time!"
She said it infuriated her the first time and then it became funny to her. I miss that wonderful woman.
Oof, I love all of this (including your reading!). The “be careful” thing rings true, especially your final thoughts about it coming from Nature. I 100% feel that way, and also always am. I’ve been a backcountry skier for nearly 25 years and have skied the zone where your neighbor died several times — I used to date someone who lived in your town and spent a bunch of time there around 5ish years ago. I love that zone, and also, it’s spooky. The Colorado backcountry has definitely changed since I started teaching avy ed there in 2004 (and left the field in 2012).
My partner is an expert whitewater kayaker/packrafter and often goes off for big multiday missions in remote areas where few if any people have paddled before. I don’t think I’ll ever not tell him to be careful. He is who he is, and I am who I am: risk is inherent in both our lives. When we say it, we both know it means “make smart decisions and come home.” And at the end of the day, as you so beautifully put it, Nature always has a say in that when we’re playing on her field. 🙏🏽
This reminded me that I started watching Arctic Ascent last night. It blows my mind that those climbers (and not-climbers!) are capable of doing what they do. I think of Alex Honnold's wife and baby, and all I can imagine is that she must have complete faith in his abilities to take full care. That dude has a plan.
I'm in agreement with Jenn H's comment below about "be careful" really just being shorthand for a litany of other warnings that come from a place of love!
The first time I watched Free Solo and saw his then girlfriend navigating the risk conversation with Honnold, I turned to Ben and was like "this is what being married to you is like." lol
My chest is physically hurting thinking about that poor doctor. I am not cut out for extreme sports! I am definitely the type to say be careful and I’m trying to be better about that.
Kelton, your essay is wonderful. I watched the Will Gadd video and personally believe the risk assessment he has developed with his young children has a hole at its center. His kids may say the words 'bumps and bruises' or 'death' but they are children -- their life context is limited and above all, they implicitly trust their father to keep them safe. Gadd's 3-tiered risk assessment is just him saying 'be careful' in his own way, and a child's tiny misstep on that skinny cliffside path in the video would make naming the risk factor just as meaningless. As parents, it's hard to acknowledge our powerlessness; we use our own magic phrases but as you noted: “Be careful,” she whispers on wind, not with worry but with the wry warning of something ancient, and I whisper back, “always am.” Snow flops heavily from a branch, leaves crack in ensemble under foot, water babbles in a brook, and it sounds like she is laughing." Years ago, I wrote about "be careful" in a post on a long-dead blog (http://tinyurl.com/dxx886r), understanding that the phrase's meaning is universal and holds more than we parents can ever say.
It's important to note with Gadd that his kids are older, there's also a lot more education going on than just those phrases, and they've been building that family system of risk identification for years.
The small heart is cute, until the reality you acknowledge that a big heart is what gives us our joys. I like your expanded version more: "Be happy, be healthy, be loved, stay mine." That rings truer for me.
My husband suggested I listen to this week's audio, instead or reading it. It was a joy, a new one. Thank you for the cat purring, the fire crackling, and your melodious voice soothing me as I imagined backcountry outside my front door... beautiful piece. It reminded me of my own mother always telling me to be careful, and always following up with "have a good time." Maybe it's a Midwest thing... I grew up in Michigan.
I've always said "be careful" to my kids, and probably always will. What it means is, "I love you." What it means is, "Take care of my heart." A really beautiful piece of writing.
💛🙏🏼
I think of "Be careful" as simple shorthand for so much else:
"It's icy out there; maybe drive a little more slowly than usual."
"You're getting close to the edge there; watch your feet."
"It's New Year's Eve; there are a lot of drunks on the road. Keep your eyes peeled."
"There's a loose stair; please hold the railing."
"That plate is very hot. I mean, seriously, don't touch it yet."
"This wet clay trail is REALLY slippery."
"It hasn't been cold enough for the pond to freeze enough. That ice can't be safe."
And above all: "I don't want you to get hurt, because you matter so much to me."
My hope is to say those things every time.
I always say to my teens “Stay safe, make good choices.” My husband always adds, “Drjve fast, take chances” to counter me. I guess we hope they land safely somewhere in between safety & adventure… 😉🙏🏼🤞
lol, amazing
I've been resisting saying "y'all" for 30+ years but I occasionally find myself slipping. I guess that's what all those years in Virginia did to me. I don't know whether it's much of thing now, probably is, but there were programs for people who wanted to pursue a career in broadcasting where they worked on extinguishing their Southern accents.
As a father of 3 boys, young men I should say, "take care" and "drive safely" are the phrases of choice. In our case this has a poignant special meaning because one of them died in an accident with a truck while driving home from college. For us, there's always the truth that, like your neighbor, we may never see them again.
This makes me think that having some anxiety about your loved one and admonishing him or her to be careful is just as appropriate whether they are going back-country skiing or camping or to the grocery store to get a bottle of milk. So, take care of yourself, both of you.
Thanks for sharing that here, Jeff. 💛
It is crazy how quickly "be careful" (in German, "Vorsicht!", which, as always, sounds even more menacing somehow 😅) finds its way into your vocabulary with a mini around - and mine isn't even walking yet, but she is a wonderful, wild child. I always think of two things when she's climbing on me and anything else I let her, probing for openings or footholds: One, I am so happy that she feels safe with me and trusts that someone has her back, so she can explore and crawl and climb with abandon. And two, whether I say "Vorsicht" (literally, "have foresight"), or "Pass auf" (pay attention), or whatever it may be, it just means that I am paying attention and I care, and I really can't ask more of myself on most days of being a mother.
Really enjoyed this edition!
I *love* "have foresight" - thank you for sharing that!
Be careful. Cuidado. Too often sounds like: don't go. don't do anything that will make me worry. don't get out of your comfortable and safe chair. So much better: know the risks, be prepared, have fun. Thank you!
The cat purrs and crackling fire in the background are 🥰 (loved listening!)
Finn really helped out with that one
I don't remember my parents saying be careful. However, I lived with my aunt and uncle for a few years in my early 20's. My aunt would say "be careful!" as I left the house and I would say "not this time!"
She said it infuriated her the first time and then it became funny to her. I miss that wonderful woman.
I love that!!
Oof, I love all of this (including your reading!). The “be careful” thing rings true, especially your final thoughts about it coming from Nature. I 100% feel that way, and also always am. I’ve been a backcountry skier for nearly 25 years and have skied the zone where your neighbor died several times — I used to date someone who lived in your town and spent a bunch of time there around 5ish years ago. I love that zone, and also, it’s spooky. The Colorado backcountry has definitely changed since I started teaching avy ed there in 2004 (and left the field in 2012).
My partner is an expert whitewater kayaker/packrafter and often goes off for big multiday missions in remote areas where few if any people have paddled before. I don’t think I’ll ever not tell him to be careful. He is who he is, and I am who I am: risk is inherent in both our lives. When we say it, we both know it means “make smart decisions and come home.” And at the end of the day, as you so beautifully put it, Nature always has a say in that when we’re playing on her field. 🙏🏽
Beautiful post.
That was magical to read.
This reminded me that I started watching Arctic Ascent last night. It blows my mind that those climbers (and not-climbers!) are capable of doing what they do. I think of Alex Honnold's wife and baby, and all I can imagine is that she must have complete faith in his abilities to take full care. That dude has a plan.
I'm in agreement with Jenn H's comment below about "be careful" really just being shorthand for a litany of other warnings that come from a place of love!
The first time I watched Free Solo and saw his then girlfriend navigating the risk conversation with Honnold, I turned to Ben and was like "this is what being married to you is like." lol
My chest is physically hurting thinking about that poor doctor. I am not cut out for extreme sports! I am definitely the type to say be careful and I’m trying to be better about that.
I have also found the phrase "be careful" to be condescending despite its best intentions. I exchanged it for "be mindful."
I also loved what another reader said, "take care of my heart out there." Feels like "your choices impact more than just you" but sweet.
I love that!!
I say “drive safely” and “be careful” always. Goodness, I never connected that to my anxiety! Also, you have a beautiful reading voice. More, please.
Thank you so much!
Kelton, your essay is wonderful. I watched the Will Gadd video and personally believe the risk assessment he has developed with his young children has a hole at its center. His kids may say the words 'bumps and bruises' or 'death' but they are children -- their life context is limited and above all, they implicitly trust their father to keep them safe. Gadd's 3-tiered risk assessment is just him saying 'be careful' in his own way, and a child's tiny misstep on that skinny cliffside path in the video would make naming the risk factor just as meaningless. As parents, it's hard to acknowledge our powerlessness; we use our own magic phrases but as you noted: “Be careful,” she whispers on wind, not with worry but with the wry warning of something ancient, and I whisper back, “always am.” Snow flops heavily from a branch, leaves crack in ensemble under foot, water babbles in a brook, and it sounds like she is laughing." Years ago, I wrote about "be careful" in a post on a long-dead blog (http://tinyurl.com/dxx886r), understanding that the phrase's meaning is universal and holds more than we parents can ever say.
It's important to note with Gadd that his kids are older, there's also a lot more education going on than just those phrases, and they've been building that family system of risk identification for years.
The small heart is cute, until the reality you acknowledge that a big heart is what gives us our joys. I like your expanded version more: "Be happy, be healthy, be loved, stay mine." That rings truer for me.
My husband suggested I listen to this week's audio, instead or reading it. It was a joy, a new one. Thank you for the cat purring, the fire crackling, and your melodious voice soothing me as I imagined backcountry outside my front door... beautiful piece. It reminded me of my own mother always telling me to be careful, and always following up with "have a good time." Maybe it's a Midwest thing... I grew up in Michigan.
Love that this piece is stirring good memories.
Growing up in MN my mom always said the same! Be careful... have a good time...I love you!