It’s been a roller coaster ride. When I first moved to VT I was a young teacher and had instant fellow teacher friends. When I moved to SF and then back everything had changed. Definitely an “in” crowd in my town and it’s hard to break into. I joined committees, volunteered and made casual acquaintances… but never really invited to the gatherings. When I played serious volleyball, I had a group and we did a lot together. Now that I’ve been horseback riding for two years, I have the best barn family network and I feel “part of”, but not so much in my town. I’m respected for the volunteer work I do, I know people I see occasionally, but after 40 yes I still haven’t broken in to the social groups. Sometimes it’s a stab in the gut lonely feeling, but now that I have my “barn family” I don’t care as much. I always wonder if there is something about me that is off putting, but overall, I like me and I think I’m a pretty good person. Do I have faults? Yea, who doesn’t? But it know I am a true introvert who is the most loyal friend you’d ever want, I am generous and mostly kind (except when I feel hurt and I’m working on that), I am a thoughtful animal loving outdoorsy woman who is independent, strong and badass
Kelton, Loving your blog! I'm new to Substack, just posted my first newsletter this week. And as your post speaks about, I'm working to get to know other writers on this platform. I moved from the San Francisco Bay Area about seven years ago to Cool, a small town in the California foothills. I always think I could have even gone more remote, would love more snow. But your blog makes me rethink that, and consider that maybe at 66, I'm right where I need to be. Anyway, keep up the great writing! And check out Tales of a Wayward Yogini when you've got some time on your hands!
Me, the weird one. I've lived in my current geographic location for two years and haven't made "a friend" yet, but gained work acquaintances. I have solid friends from my past and we still keep in touch, even after years of being apart. So I can't be THAT weird.
You make reaching out appear easy with the results but I detect you aren't particularly enamored with the process either. I say you're doing a great job.
I wish you'd share what town you live in. I married in Idaho Springs, my honeymoon in Nederland, took a job in Cripple Creek, but never showed up, and only briefly entertained living in Colorado. I doubt it would be "my place" but it's fun imagining what you're experiencing while thinking of where I'll someday relocate, when I know what that looks like. A great piece, hope your Sunday ride is everything you want it to be, happy trails!
Yeah for being weird! Yesterday I went skiing with a new gym friend, the first local friend hangout I’ve had since moving here. This is an alpine adventure town full of COOL people (I mean, it’s called the adventure capital of New Zealand ffs). Red Bull athletes, world champion bikers and skiers and boarders kinda town. It’s intimidating to get out and make buddies because well, I’m not cool. But yesterday was super fun! We rode! I crashed! We rode more! Here’s to being local and hanging with cool locals.
I moved to a small town in the mountains (On the East Coast), around the same time you moved and started your blog. I am way older than you are, and not nearly as athletic. But your blog always strikes a cord with me - and especially what you've written about making friends and surviving the winter. AND, I also lived in LA. So, I can relate to what you write about it as well. And I love that you are just sharing your experience and not selling anything except your awesome observations.
Some letters I read out of professional obligation. And then there is yours that I read because it's always so fresh and raw and funny and personal.
Self-perception is a funny thing -- yours not mine, because I don't want to talk about mine! LOL -- because even though I don't really know you at all, you come across as totally kick-ass, bad-ass and confident. And yet you're not because of course you're not. No one is. We just all tell ourselves that because we know we all fear we're ... lesser than everyone else. But by sharing so honestly how you feel, we all know we're not so alone and weird after all.
I'm a weird one....the few people close to me are always telling me so. Good job of knocking down your own walls and inviting people into your space. Love this line...."They’ll bathe on the comfort of the couch later, but they’re taking an assist from the weather for now. "
I love it - funny, we've just had visitors for a week or so and so did the full show and tell...particularly on food and wine (as one of our friends is writing a book about how war affects food culture!)...it's exhausting but fun (and 37C today!). Glad to hear it's going well! Al
I have become friendly with many of the women in my new construction neighborhood. We are all retired, and it was easy to become a community. It would be great except for the sameness. Tonight I am venturing out to a gathering of women of all ages who want to hang out and make new friends. I love the idea and am going with an open heart. Wish me luck!
This one couldn’t come at a better time! I used to live in San Francisco but I have a pending move to Atlanta by myself, so I’m going to have to make some friends :) This is a good reminder to not let myself get into my head about what other people will think of me, and just go for it!!!!
I am definitely the weird one but I am good with that. I don't have a hard time meeting people; it's that transition from knowing their name to becoming friends that I have the issue. I retired last year and I am noticing how many of my friends were through work.
I am in many hiking and walking groups and meet lots of great people on hikes/walk. I just get scared, I guess that's the emotion, when wanting to "transition" from chatting while we are hiking/walking to doing something beyond that. Maybe nervous at rejection....I don't know. I will have to try to take more chances.
Thank for for this training session on how to put yourself out there. I'm about to move to a remote mountain area, and as a person in their 40's I am nervous about meeting people and making friends.
I’m known as quirky, but only by people who take time to realize I’m not the straight soccer mom I appear to be. Anyway, moved to Chattanooga one week ago today. I start my teaching job in another week. I know two people here besides my partner and our kids. I’m taking your actions as my own and following locals on Facebook. I actually followed the local Down syndrome group a couple months ago because my child has DS. We are going to their annual pool party tonight. I will couple my quirky with your bravery and get some digits tonight. Hopefully at next year’s pool party, I’ll be catching waves from friends I made this year.
I Went into the Maverick Bar
BY GARY SNYDER
I went into the Maverick Bar
In Farmington, New Mexico.
And drank double shots of bourbon
backed with beer.
My long hair was tucked up under a cap
I’d left the earring in the car.
Two cowboys did horseplay
by the pool tables,
A waitress asked us
where are you from?
a country-and-western band began to play
“We don’t smoke Marijuana in Muskokie”
And with the next song,
a couple began to dance.
They held each other like in High School dances
in the fifties;
I recalled when I worked in the woods
and the bars of Madras, Oregon.
That short-haired joy and roughness—
America—your stupidity.
I could almost love you again.
We left—onto the freeway shoulders—
under the tough old stars—
In the shadow of bluffs
I came back to myself,
To the real work, to
“What is to be done.”
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47754/i-went-into-the-maverick-bar
What is to be done, indeed <3
Yes, these poets always seem to be right on target. It is all evolutionary.
It’s been a roller coaster ride. When I first moved to VT I was a young teacher and had instant fellow teacher friends. When I moved to SF and then back everything had changed. Definitely an “in” crowd in my town and it’s hard to break into. I joined committees, volunteered and made casual acquaintances… but never really invited to the gatherings. When I played serious volleyball, I had a group and we did a lot together. Now that I’ve been horseback riding for two years, I have the best barn family network and I feel “part of”, but not so much in my town. I’m respected for the volunteer work I do, I know people I see occasionally, but after 40 yes I still haven’t broken in to the social groups. Sometimes it’s a stab in the gut lonely feeling, but now that I have my “barn family” I don’t care as much. I always wonder if there is something about me that is off putting, but overall, I like me and I think I’m a pretty good person. Do I have faults? Yea, who doesn’t? But it know I am a true introvert who is the most loyal friend you’d ever want, I am generous and mostly kind (except when I feel hurt and I’m working on that), I am a thoughtful animal loving outdoorsy woman who is independent, strong and badass
Kelton, Loving your blog! I'm new to Substack, just posted my first newsletter this week. And as your post speaks about, I'm working to get to know other writers on this platform. I moved from the San Francisco Bay Area about seven years ago to Cool, a small town in the California foothills. I always think I could have even gone more remote, would love more snow. But your blog makes me rethink that, and consider that maybe at 66, I'm right where I need to be. Anyway, keep up the great writing! And check out Tales of a Wayward Yogini when you've got some time on your hands!
Thank you for this beautiful read.
Making new friends is so exhilarating and vulnerable! Thanks for such a beautiful and inspiring story!
Me, the weird one. I've lived in my current geographic location for two years and haven't made "a friend" yet, but gained work acquaintances. I have solid friends from my past and we still keep in touch, even after years of being apart. So I can't be THAT weird.
You make reaching out appear easy with the results but I detect you aren't particularly enamored with the process either. I say you're doing a great job.
I wish you'd share what town you live in. I married in Idaho Springs, my honeymoon in Nederland, took a job in Cripple Creek, but never showed up, and only briefly entertained living in Colorado. I doubt it would be "my place" but it's fun imagining what you're experiencing while thinking of where I'll someday relocate, when I know what that looks like. A great piece, hope your Sunday ride is everything you want it to be, happy trails!
Yeah for being weird! Yesterday I went skiing with a new gym friend, the first local friend hangout I’ve had since moving here. This is an alpine adventure town full of COOL people (I mean, it’s called the adventure capital of New Zealand ffs). Red Bull athletes, world champion bikers and skiers and boarders kinda town. It’s intimidating to get out and make buddies because well, I’m not cool. But yesterday was super fun! We rode! I crashed! We rode more! Here’s to being local and hanging with cool locals.
I moved to a small town in the mountains (On the East Coast), around the same time you moved and started your blog. I am way older than you are, and not nearly as athletic. But your blog always strikes a cord with me - and especially what you've written about making friends and surviving the winter. AND, I also lived in LA. So, I can relate to what you write about it as well. And I love that you are just sharing your experience and not selling anything except your awesome observations.
Some letters I read out of professional obligation. And then there is yours that I read because it's always so fresh and raw and funny and personal.
Self-perception is a funny thing -- yours not mine, because I don't want to talk about mine! LOL -- because even though I don't really know you at all, you come across as totally kick-ass, bad-ass and confident. And yet you're not because of course you're not. No one is. We just all tell ourselves that because we know we all fear we're ... lesser than everyone else. But by sharing so honestly how you feel, we all know we're not so alone and weird after all.
I'm a weird one....the few people close to me are always telling me so. Good job of knocking down your own walls and inviting people into your space. Love this line...."They’ll bathe on the comfort of the couch later, but they’re taking an assist from the weather for now. "
I love it - funny, we've just had visitors for a week or so and so did the full show and tell...particularly on food and wine (as one of our friends is writing a book about how war affects food culture!)...it's exhausting but fun (and 37C today!). Glad to hear it's going well! Al
I have become friendly with many of the women in my new construction neighborhood. We are all retired, and it was easy to become a community. It would be great except for the sameness. Tonight I am venturing out to a gathering of women of all ages who want to hang out and make new friends. I love the idea and am going with an open heart. Wish me luck!
This one couldn’t come at a better time! I used to live in San Francisco but I have a pending move to Atlanta by myself, so I’m going to have to make some friends :) This is a good reminder to not let myself get into my head about what other people will think of me, and just go for it!!!!
I am definitely the weird one but I am good with that. I don't have a hard time meeting people; it's that transition from knowing their name to becoming friends that I have the issue. I retired last year and I am noticing how many of my friends were through work.
I am in many hiking and walking groups and meet lots of great people on hikes/walk. I just get scared, I guess that's the emotion, when wanting to "transition" from chatting while we are hiking/walking to doing something beyond that. Maybe nervous at rejection....I don't know. I will have to try to take more chances.
Thank for for this training session on how to put yourself out there. I'm about to move to a remote mountain area, and as a person in their 40's I am nervous about meeting people and making friends.
I’m known as quirky, but only by people who take time to realize I’m not the straight soccer mom I appear to be. Anyway, moved to Chattanooga one week ago today. I start my teaching job in another week. I know two people here besides my partner and our kids. I’m taking your actions as my own and following locals on Facebook. I actually followed the local Down syndrome group a couple months ago because my child has DS. We are going to their annual pool party tonight. I will couple my quirky with your bravery and get some digits tonight. Hopefully at next year’s pool party, I’ll be catching waves from friends I made this year.