I’ve been that volunteer you describe and that’s hard. But what really intrigued me was the notion that an extrovert (which I usually am) could seek out and rescue those who needed it. I think I’ll try that.
The best part about sobbing when skate skiing is that you can just claim the tears are from the speed of the wind, because you are so damn fast. And I went to a creative mixer the other night and it was every bit of small town meets introverted writer, awkward. I'll tell you about it some time.
It is interesting that all uncomfortable situations make us return to feeling like middle or high school. Which makes me wonder about the people that would love to return to their teen years!
I thought about your piece all day - trying to think how I wanted to respond. I so appreciate your willingness to be courageous with your vulnerability- I think so many people feel the way you do. I’ve been in the exact situations you talk about with people drawn to those they know and feeling left out. I have now been a strong volunteer in my town for 3-4 years and I do feel more “seen” as a result. And I want to tell you- I am amazed that you don’t see yourself as an athlete - I admire all the things you do that I’m not sure I could do. I feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit for your strengths and I understand. I would say I ak athletic but not an athlete. I play guitar (and use to play violin) but say I’m musical but not a musician. Others might say different. I think we are way too hard on ourselves. I wish o could better lean into my persistence to be better at whatever I choose to do and not compare myself to others…. What a fucking journey
The yoga class is exactly why I’m so nervous to go to community events (the first is “what if no one else is there??” And the second is “what if other people are there??” 😂). Community building is so hard
Being around people who all know each other and share things in common = my worst self. I don’t like how I show up in these situations. I tried joining our neighborhood grassroots political group after it had been running for a couple years, and I felt so “not in the know” I eventually bowed out.
Can I admit something? I have never felt comfortable around people who are passionate. Maybe that’s because I haven’t ever found anything that I could be passionate about in an action oriented way. I’m sure that fear is at the root of that.
I'm a snacks and photos kinda gal, too! Which can be tough in Colorado, haha.. 🫠 Just keep being you, as you're definitely not the orca. I'm betting you'll have the opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level in the community support committee! 💕
Someone once told me that ‘hope’ is my favorite word- I hope they’ll call, I hope I’ll make a friend there, I hope they’ll be nice, next time. Yes, well you definitely get it! Thanks
Feb 14, 2023·edited Feb 14, 2023Liked by Kelton Wright
I think you're doing a great job in reaching out and trying to connect through discomfort. If I were you I'd be hiding in the bathroom trying to figure a way out. RUN!!!
I joined a community book club to connect with my neighbors. We gathered for the first time last Friday. After slogging through 'The Recipe Box' written by Viola Shipman aka Wade Rouse I found myself sitting with a gaggle of women (most) who never even took time to read the book. They gathered to gossip about the condo committee and what their kids and grandkids were doing. No way out. I was stuck inside a condo dining room for 2 hours listening to the chitchat ready to lose it. Some brought deserts from the recipes in the book for us to try. I wanted cheese and crackers with smoked oysters, never mind a sugar rush being forced to sit still and not fidget through the mindless blather going on around me. That expression about being lonely surrounded by a crowd came to life. Nobody works in the group, they're all retired. I work and fielded questions about not being retired (none yo) and why I didn't have children.
Ye gads trying to fit in or make friends in this small community (for me) has been torture. I agreed to move here because my (new) husband spent the last 30+ years here and loves it. I can make friends in transient cities like Las Vegas and Miami Beach but small towns like this one just don't work for me. I lived on the Red Neck Riviera (PanHandle of Florida) and still felt okay, maybe not so much fitting in but certainly accepted and embraced for my own weirdness.
When we finally got around to discussing the book (that no one read) except for the recipes I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer. I hated wasting time reading contrived dialogue, a weak plot line, and characters with no depth and said so. It was written by a man, posing as a woman. I didn't have an issue with this except I don't know of any women (or girls) that think and talk like the characters he created. It was apparent in the first few pages of the book and unfortunately set the pace for the rest of the read. I voiced this in addition to saying a few more choice words about the sappiness and shallowness - the silence was deafening. It's been so long since I've been in polite company I forgot to use my filter. I'm used to sitting in a poker room where the talk is superficial but real. There are no PC conversations held on the green felt table. I'm happy you shared this week's read, maybe I'll try something else to get a better feel for the community. Next time I'll be close to a bathroom or a door to escape, if need be.
As an academic, I end up in lots of “interesting” and awkward situations/meetings/networking events populated by introverts. I’m intrigued by the idea of a “rescue extrovert” -- I’m thinking I’ll get myself a lapel pin made, maybe a t-shirt, or a beanie!!! #communityservice 💙🤣
Another excellent piece! This bit, especially, resonates with me: "Would I ever be as adept at local politics as I was at romanticizing the world around me?"
Still working on this bit for myself, failing and succeeding in equal measure. I think? I am so glad - and your town is so lucky - that your optimistic personality is still ticking. Thank you for writing, and for joining the committee!
This resonated so much. From another new-ish-to-a-small town gal who just went to a writing workshop with one other person and met with the local principal about volunteer tutoring.
Here’s to putting our soft belly selves out there and romanticizing the heck out of it.
I’ve been that volunteer you describe and that’s hard. But what really intrigued me was the notion that an extrovert (which I usually am) could seek out and rescue those who needed it. I think I’ll try that.
You are definitely not an orca. You are a very kind, neurotic seal just like me, which is why I like you so much.
You make many people who feel like you do, feel seen. That town is lucky to have you as a member!
The best part about sobbing when skate skiing is that you can just claim the tears are from the speed of the wind, because you are so damn fast. And I went to a creative mixer the other night and it was every bit of small town meets introverted writer, awkward. I'll tell you about it some time.
It is interesting that all uncomfortable situations make us return to feeling like middle or high school. Which makes me wonder about the people that would love to return to their teen years!
I thought about your piece all day - trying to think how I wanted to respond. I so appreciate your willingness to be courageous with your vulnerability- I think so many people feel the way you do. I’ve been in the exact situations you talk about with people drawn to those they know and feeling left out. I have now been a strong volunteer in my town for 3-4 years and I do feel more “seen” as a result. And I want to tell you- I am amazed that you don’t see yourself as an athlete - I admire all the things you do that I’m not sure I could do. I feel like you don’t give yourself enough credit for your strengths and I understand. I would say I ak athletic but not an athlete. I play guitar (and use to play violin) but say I’m musical but not a musician. Others might say different. I think we are way too hard on ourselves. I wish o could better lean into my persistence to be better at whatever I choose to do and not compare myself to others…. What a fucking journey
Proud of you for showing up!
The yoga class is exactly why I’m so nervous to go to community events (the first is “what if no one else is there??” And the second is “what if other people are there??” 😂). Community building is so hard
Being around people who all know each other and share things in common = my worst self. I don’t like how I show up in these situations. I tried joining our neighborhood grassroots political group after it had been running for a couple years, and I felt so “not in the know” I eventually bowed out.
Can I admit something? I have never felt comfortable around people who are passionate. Maybe that’s because I haven’t ever found anything that I could be passionate about in an action oriented way. I’m sure that fear is at the root of that.
I'm a snacks and photos kinda gal, too! Which can be tough in Colorado, haha.. 🫠 Just keep being you, as you're definitely not the orca. I'm betting you'll have the opportunity to connect with others on a deeper level in the community support committee! 💕
Someone once told me that ‘hope’ is my favorite word- I hope they’ll call, I hope I’ll make a friend there, I hope they’ll be nice, next time. Yes, well you definitely get it! Thanks
I think you're doing a great job in reaching out and trying to connect through discomfort. If I were you I'd be hiding in the bathroom trying to figure a way out. RUN!!!
I joined a community book club to connect with my neighbors. We gathered for the first time last Friday. After slogging through 'The Recipe Box' written by Viola Shipman aka Wade Rouse I found myself sitting with a gaggle of women (most) who never even took time to read the book. They gathered to gossip about the condo committee and what their kids and grandkids were doing. No way out. I was stuck inside a condo dining room for 2 hours listening to the chitchat ready to lose it. Some brought deserts from the recipes in the book for us to try. I wanted cheese and crackers with smoked oysters, never mind a sugar rush being forced to sit still and not fidget through the mindless blather going on around me. That expression about being lonely surrounded by a crowd came to life. Nobody works in the group, they're all retired. I work and fielded questions about not being retired (none yo) and why I didn't have children.
Ye gads trying to fit in or make friends in this small community (for me) has been torture. I agreed to move here because my (new) husband spent the last 30+ years here and loves it. I can make friends in transient cities like Las Vegas and Miami Beach but small towns like this one just don't work for me. I lived on the Red Neck Riviera (PanHandle of Florida) and still felt okay, maybe not so much fitting in but certainly accepted and embraced for my own weirdness.
When we finally got around to discussing the book (that no one read) except for the recipes I couldn't keep my mouth shut any longer. I hated wasting time reading contrived dialogue, a weak plot line, and characters with no depth and said so. It was written by a man, posing as a woman. I didn't have an issue with this except I don't know of any women (or girls) that think and talk like the characters he created. It was apparent in the first few pages of the book and unfortunately set the pace for the rest of the read. I voiced this in addition to saying a few more choice words about the sappiness and shallowness - the silence was deafening. It's been so long since I've been in polite company I forgot to use my filter. I'm used to sitting in a poker room where the talk is superficial but real. There are no PC conversations held on the green felt table. I'm happy you shared this week's read, maybe I'll try something else to get a better feel for the community. Next time I'll be close to a bathroom or a door to escape, if need be.
As an academic, I end up in lots of “interesting” and awkward situations/meetings/networking events populated by introverts. I’m intrigued by the idea of a “rescue extrovert” -- I’m thinking I’ll get myself a lapel pin made, maybe a t-shirt, or a beanie!!! #communityservice 💙🤣
Another excellent piece! This bit, especially, resonates with me: "Would I ever be as adept at local politics as I was at romanticizing the world around me?"
Still working on this bit for myself, failing and succeeding in equal measure. I think? I am so glad - and your town is so lucky - that your optimistic personality is still ticking. Thank you for writing, and for joining the committee!
This resonated so much. From another new-ish-to-a-small town gal who just went to a writing workshop with one other person and met with the local principal about volunteer tutoring.
Here’s to putting our soft belly selves out there and romanticizing the heck out of it.
So many pieces of this essay were relatable and made me chuckle thinking back on my own awkward encounters.
Thank you for sharing -- as other have said, you (we) are not alone!
This was a beautiful way of describing a sensation we all feel! Going to be thinking about this for some time♥️