I am not your doctor, and I am not the boss of your body; but god, I think a parent who isn't suffering is better than a tiny amount of xanax in breast milk. It sounds like you're ok now, but if you get to a point of not being ok, talk to your medical team because a blanket "NO PSYCH MEDS WHILE BREASTFEEDING" is not the only medical opinion.
Absolutely! I have a friend who has chronic, disabling migraines (when unmedicated) and her 2nd and 3rd trimester had to go back on her muscle relaxants because they were so bad. Her daughter is 1 1/2 and incredible, and perfectly healthy.
All of this. The actual research shows no issue with sporadic use of alprazolam while breastfeeding. If you use it consistently, a shorter-acting benzodiazepine without active metabolites is preferred.
Definitely one of my biggest frustrations with some people in the medical field (especially in the midwife/peds arena) is the ABSOLUTELY NOT NOPE NEVER advice given to pregnant people that isn't actually backed by evidence-based research. An example is saying you can't ever eat raw fish... without explaining that it matters more how fresh the fish is and how it was handled and prepared, because clearly pregnant women in Japan are still eating raw fish. Or saying no deli meat and soft cheese because of listeria. Screw that, it's all I could eat without vomiting for awhile, so I did. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2939108/
At any rate, I'm glad you've found a way to be your own Xanax for now. :)
I think I probably would've allowed myself a little bit of Xanax while breastfeeding if I wasn't also trying to not take Xanax in general. I had my fair share of goat cheese and wine, so lol. Thank you for coming in with the research!
This reminded me of the time the cat caught a mouse and took it into one of the bedrooms, jumped up onto a chest with the dogs waiting below. She ate the bits she wanted, and dropped the rest into the dogs waiting open mouths! Such is life... Sounds like you're doing a great job! Keep it up!
Having a baby is what made me finally get diagnosed and prescribed medication for my depression and anxiety (Zoloft, and too early to tell my opinion on it). I have been struggling to remain present but spiraling out of control of worries. Not really a new reaction, but I can’t white knuckle it any more. I look forward to a life raft feeling, or even a “I can be fully in this moment with my baby” feeling. As always, thank you for dropping something in my inbox that makes me feel a little less alone.
I do not have a baby, but I do have a Zoloft prescription and it has changed my life. Turns out that the ever-present whirring of my brain is not in fact just part of my personality, but a feature of my brain chemistry. My brain is a lot quieter these days.
It took a good 8 or 9 weeks before I felt the full effects and then one day I was just... calm. I hope it works for you too, and if it doesn't, that you find the right thing. Better living through chemistry for the win!
Sorry you can't take your Xanax right now. I also use it, not for anxiety but for sleeping. Because it is pretty much the only thing that helps with my insomnia. I'm sure when W3 is sixteen, he'll say, "Gosh, mom, I just want to thank you for not taking Xanax while I was nursing. You're the best!"
Okay, maybe that won't happen until he's thirty-six.
I love how you are so loving and real about W3 - all the details about wetting the bed, what makes him laugh, the laundry, you carrying him with you, the dog puking.... these are the realities of parenthood.... W3 will love these writings when he is older! New version of a baby book. Also love how you continue to let yourself be vulnerable, sharing the issues you have... how xanax helped... and how you are dealing now... and leaving the door open if you need it again. Glad W3 helps keep you present!
I have a similar experience and relationship with Xanax. I remember the first time it saved me out of a panic attack, I thought, woah, this is too good, no wonder they freak you out over it. Trying to renew my prescription once, to have for a travel, I had a new doctor bring a second doctor into the room to evaluate whether I was addicted. Even though my previous prescription of 25 pills at the smallest possible dose, had lasted three years. Yeah. For some of us, it is the life raft we need and there shouldn't be shame associated with it.
The last time I got a refill I was so paranoid they would say no that I brought in my old bottle, old prescription, the remaining pills, etc. I was practically yelling, "I'm not addicted to taking it, I am addicted to knowing it is there! There is a difference!"
I love reading your stories, but now I have no desire for another cat, and certainly confirming my never wanting to have a kid. Now on the Xanax note, I haven't tried it for anxiety, only Ativan and it didn't help me at all.
Sorry, nothing to do with Xanax. Here’s a link to a great interview with the CA Red Cross disaster director regarding what to do before and after a major fire :
Everytime my partner travels, which is a lot- one of the kids get sick, the cat uses the space kitty corner to my writing desk for a litter box, and the dog gets diarrhea...I shit you not. I can't decide if it's because they all know I'm running a solo ship and that throws them into chaos or not but it happens everytime like clockwork. Reading this I remembered so much of that time - when my girls were tiny - how all encompassing it is...it still is but the brain gets a little more space when you're not holding up their heads for them. Sending solidarity.
One of the gifts of parenting - in many ways healthier than ever EXCEPT for constant fatigue from all the demands; hopefully buoyed by the resilience needed to care for the vulnerable and help them build their resilience ....
I was just hanging with my cousin and her almost 2-year-old and as anxious is my cousin can be (runs in the family yay), she handles caring for the baby so smoothly and I just look at her like “how are you not having a total panic attack everyday?” Yeah she gets stressed out but I honestly don’t know how y’all function 🫡💪stronger than me, that’s for sure
Man, do I relate to this. I also love hearing, despite I’m sure being chaotic, how motherhood brings you more presence. I worry about becoming a mother because of my anxiety, but I also imagine a world in which being a mother evolves me and I will be able to handle it.
I was worried going into it, too. I know that feeling well. It's such a tough balance of allowing ourselves the grace to *be* more worried, but also knowing it may shift in other strange ways.
I am not your doctor, and I am not the boss of your body; but god, I think a parent who isn't suffering is better than a tiny amount of xanax in breast milk. It sounds like you're ok now, but if you get to a point of not being ok, talk to your medical team because a blanket "NO PSYCH MEDS WHILE BREASTFEEDING" is not the only medical opinion.
Absolutely! I have a friend who has chronic, disabling migraines (when unmedicated) and her 2nd and 3rd trimester had to go back on her muscle relaxants because they were so bad. Her daughter is 1 1/2 and incredible, and perfectly healthy.
This piece reminded me of one I loved that I originally read through The Toast (RIP): Why I plan to Get Pregnant on Anti-Anxiety Meds. https://www.elle.com/life-love/news/a35226/anxiety-meds-pregnancy/
All of this. The actual research shows no issue with sporadic use of alprazolam while breastfeeding. If you use it consistently, a shorter-acting benzodiazepine without active metabolites is preferred.
Definitely one of my biggest frustrations with some people in the medical field (especially in the midwife/peds arena) is the ABSOLUTELY NOT NOPE NEVER advice given to pregnant people that isn't actually backed by evidence-based research. An example is saying you can't ever eat raw fish... without explaining that it matters more how fresh the fish is and how it was handled and prepared, because clearly pregnant women in Japan are still eating raw fish. Or saying no deli meat and soft cheese because of listeria. Screw that, it's all I could eat without vomiting for awhile, so I did. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC2939108/
At any rate, I'm glad you've found a way to be your own Xanax for now. :)
I think I probably would've allowed myself a little bit of Xanax while breastfeeding if I wasn't also trying to not take Xanax in general. I had my fair share of goat cheese and wine, so lol. Thank you for coming in with the research!
A good shout for the other readers!
This reminded me of the time the cat caught a mouse and took it into one of the bedrooms, jumped up onto a chest with the dogs waiting below. She ate the bits she wanted, and dropped the rest into the dogs waiting open mouths! Such is life... Sounds like you're doing a great job! Keep it up!
What a generous feline.
Having a baby is what made me finally get diagnosed and prescribed medication for my depression and anxiety (Zoloft, and too early to tell my opinion on it). I have been struggling to remain present but spiraling out of control of worries. Not really a new reaction, but I can’t white knuckle it any more. I look forward to a life raft feeling, or even a “I can be fully in this moment with my baby” feeling. As always, thank you for dropping something in my inbox that makes me feel a little less alone.
I do not have a baby, but I do have a Zoloft prescription and it has changed my life. Turns out that the ever-present whirring of my brain is not in fact just part of my personality, but a feature of my brain chemistry. My brain is a lot quieter these days.
It took a good 8 or 9 weeks before I felt the full effects and then one day I was just... calm. I hope it works for you too, and if it doesn't, that you find the right thing. Better living through chemistry for the win!
A quiet brain sounds like bliss!! So so so glad to hear the effects, I hope I find similar success!
Sorry you can't take your Xanax right now. I also use it, not for anxiety but for sleeping. Because it is pretty much the only thing that helps with my insomnia. I'm sure when W3 is sixteen, he'll say, "Gosh, mom, I just want to thank you for not taking Xanax while I was nursing. You're the best!"
Okay, maybe that won't happen until he's thirty-six.
Lol, one can only hope.
I love how you are so loving and real about W3 - all the details about wetting the bed, what makes him laugh, the laundry, you carrying him with you, the dog puking.... these are the realities of parenthood.... W3 will love these writings when he is older! New version of a baby book. Also love how you continue to let yourself be vulnerable, sharing the issues you have... how xanax helped... and how you are dealing now... and leaving the door open if you need it again. Glad W3 helps keep you present!
🥰
I have a similar experience and relationship with Xanax. I remember the first time it saved me out of a panic attack, I thought, woah, this is too good, no wonder they freak you out over it. Trying to renew my prescription once, to have for a travel, I had a new doctor bring a second doctor into the room to evaluate whether I was addicted. Even though my previous prescription of 25 pills at the smallest possible dose, had lasted three years. Yeah. For some of us, it is the life raft we need and there shouldn't be shame associated with it.
The last time I got a refill I was so paranoid they would say no that I brought in my old bottle, old prescription, the remaining pills, etc. I was practically yelling, "I'm not addicted to taking it, I am addicted to knowing it is there! There is a difference!"
I love reading your stories, but now I have no desire for another cat, and certainly confirming my never wanting to have a kid. Now on the Xanax note, I haven't tried it for anxiety, only Ativan and it didn't help me at all.
Hated Ativan. Pass.
I refuse to take it, hence the suffering.
Sorry, nothing to do with Xanax. Here’s a link to a great interview with the CA Red Cross disaster director regarding what to do before and after a major fire :
https://stanfordmag.org/contents/what-to-do-after-and-before-a-fire
One of those reminders all of us living with wildfire risk need to heed.
🙏🏼
Beautiful and relatable, all of it.
🙏🏼
Everytime my partner travels, which is a lot- one of the kids get sick, the cat uses the space kitty corner to my writing desk for a litter box, and the dog gets diarrhea...I shit you not. I can't decide if it's because they all know I'm running a solo ship and that throws them into chaos or not but it happens everytime like clockwork. Reading this I remembered so much of that time - when my girls were tiny - how all encompassing it is...it still is but the brain gets a little more space when you're not holding up their heads for them. Sending solidarity.
You may shit me not, but they shit you a lot lol
Truer words 😭
One of the gifts of parenting - in many ways healthier than ever EXCEPT for constant fatigue from all the demands; hopefully buoyed by the resilience needed to care for the vulnerable and help them build their resilience ....
I was just hanging with my cousin and her almost 2-year-old and as anxious is my cousin can be (runs in the family yay), she handles caring for the baby so smoothly and I just look at her like “how are you not having a total panic attack everyday?” Yeah she gets stressed out but I honestly don’t know how y’all function 🫡💪stronger than me, that’s for sure
I really thinking I kept adding pets because each additional life sapped me of the energy to freak out.
I did kind of enjoy the family chaos—I had no time to think or overthink about anything, so I came home feeling great 🤣
Man, do I relate to this. I also love hearing, despite I’m sure being chaotic, how motherhood brings you more presence. I worry about becoming a mother because of my anxiety, but I also imagine a world in which being a mother evolves me and I will be able to handle it.
I was worried going into it, too. I know that feeling well. It's such a tough balance of allowing ourselves the grace to *be* more worried, but also knowing it may shift in other strange ways.
Yes, I feel this deeply. Proud of you 💞✨