I listened to “These Precious Days” and fell in love with Ann Patchett, with her words, and her wit, and her heart. If your library offers audiobooks I think it would be worthwhile to listen to her narrate it. Or borrow the audiobook “This is the Story of a Happy Marriage.” More excellent essays in that one.
I’m on the lower (lowest?) end of the income brackets in my 55+ community and I feel it all of the time. My friends here don’t flaunt their relative wealth, but seeing their things and hearing of their many travels can be hard. Our budget opened up a little at the end of the year, so I started buying things like kitchen towels just because I wanted something new. Your essay makes me pause and wonder if those things truly are what I want. Something along the lines of, if I can’t go on an Alaskan cruise am I really okay with new kitchen towels? How many new kitchen towels would equal a cruise?
Ginny, I love this: "if I can’t go on an Alaskan cruise am I really okay with new kitchen towels?" I think the occasional kitchen towel to spark a little fancy matters, but I relate to that feeling, especially when I was in Topanga. It just felt like everyone had cooler cars, better vacations, nicer houses. It skewed my vision of what I wanted, and I'm still trying to correct it. I'm hoping this resolution helps me!
Happy New Year to you, and to Mr. Cooper and his friends.
My bookshelves are full, and three piles of books have accumulated nearby. So I resolved to reduce them by half this week.
I selected 8 books, and carried them to the car, feeling accomplished. But my wife grabbed two and stashed them in the laundry.
At the donation box, I dropped my 6 books in, feeling like I was abandoning a pet. Then I was overcome with second thoughts, and pulled back 2 books, and stood there re-reading favorite passages.
In all, I gave away only 4 books, and I miss them already. (Maybe I’ll find another copy at a used bookstore someday.) Robert
I love this reminder that less is more.... to see what you have anew.... rotate where you have your vases or paintings so you actually "see" them again because they are in a new place.... I'm going to the liquor store to get boxes so I can curate my closet of clothes I never wear anymore due to my taste, or I've outgrown them and I know I'm not going to be a size 6 again! (wishful thinking). I have tons of shoes for business travel - now that I'm retired - I'm not wearing them.... so out they go to the free bin. I've already purged books - but could do a second round. I know I'm not going to read most of them again. (But I can't seem to give up the complete works of Mark Twain that I did read in order once).
I also like your exceptions list... anything too rigid never works. My word for the year is "Be Curious" or "Wondering... So, thinking as I learn new skills - I wonder what I need to change to start to master this skill, or "I wonder why someone said that"... to ask more questions and not make assumptions... so I can add to my list "I wonder what it would be like to do without this... how would it really change my life" or "I wonder if I really need this or just want it? Is there something else I can use?" Words have power and I'm loving the idea of thinking this way and combining it with doing more with less. Thanks, as always, for provoking deeper thinking!
I love Be Curious! (And I'm with you on the business shoes, except my category of release is poorly made clothes I still own from my party days 😂 - it's a challenge to fight that "you never know" feeling!)
Baby stuff is such a scam. There is so much crap you're encouraged to buy and you buy it because not buying it means you don't want the best for your kids? We never got a crib just a pack and play with a mattress and it was the best decision ever. Never did up a baby room because we didn't have the room. There is so much stuff you can rent (babyquip) or buy gently used on FB marketplace. For clothes too - I'm doing Rent the Runway for my upcoming trips because I don't need to own anymore clothes.
Love you saying this. I've already started looking at stuff and being like, "this seems... silly." So much stuff you could *make* too! Like you can bet your bottom dollar the dog's old toys are getting washed and tied to an elaborate series of sticks as a mobile. Didn't know about babyquip which sounds amazing. We've been really lucky to stockpile hand-me-downs already. Gonna be calling you a lot to see if I need things lol.
When my first son was born we had more hand-me-down clothes than he could ever wear. Did I want those cute little onesies at Target? Of course, but I stuck to mostly secondhand stuff because...well, I was broke! His changing table was two plastic tubs stacked on top of each other with a blanket on top. His room was decorated with art I handmade by recreating characters from a Sesame Street on poster board. Baby stuff is hella expensive, and I agree--the best way to save money is to look for creative alternatives or find gently used items.
I remember when I began pondering the costs of having my first child, one of my friends passed along some sage advice. He said “you’ll never be able to afford a child on paper, but when you have a child, you figure it out”. After rearing 5, that has been my experience. You figure it out. I stopped or drastically slowed down on flying r/c and golf. But I wouldn’t change a thing😉. You have this!
Oooh! Thanks for the book rec. Our 2022 was open to more treat-yo-selfing than others, (especially in the sustainable clothing brands offering deep discounts category... saying no to fast fashion is good, but we took it a little far this year, haha..). Our goal for 2023 is to only buy 5 things or less in that department—shoes, hats, all the things included. I'm so excited, as I love a good challenge! Looking forward to hearing you you do with your goal through 2023!
One of the best things about living out of a backpack for five years is the inability to buy things. But this year we have vowed to buy more experiences because a) those are truly valuable and b) we can actually afford them.
My friend Xylia talked about that very thing on a podcast with Ari Shaffrir, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/nomad-with-xylia-buros/id468293449?i=1000574763739. She had this point of, "do I want a nice dress? Or do I want to go paragliding in Portugal?" and I think that's been bubbling in my brain since I heard it. Your newsletter really makes me want to go to more experiences, even if they're just at the local library. Thanks for being an inspiration, friend!
That comparison helped us save for our first big trip in 2012-2013! “Do I want a drink tonight, or do I want an hour-long Thai massage when we get there?”
It's so funny, I had been thinking about my word for a few weeks, and nothing came. I figured I wouldn't have a word this year, and that would be okay. And then after reading your article, it came!
I'm currently making my way through the Shangrilogs archives and it's great to be here.
Every year I try doing the year of not buying but end up having a really hard time with it. You’ve inspired me to try again and use your tips! Impulse book buying has become a serious problem because I got out of the habit of using the library during the pandemic but now I have over 100 I own and haven’t read and I need to fix that!
Oh gosh, related to this, I now have a "Read pile" — I used to have books scattered all over the house I meant to read, and now they're stacked, with library books on top, and I'm only allowed to dabble in the top three, and new books get added TO THE BOTTOM. Trying to teach myself to engage with these things conscientiously!
I made this consolidated stack about 8 years ago. It had about 50 books in it. I did let myself keep bringing new books home, and borrowing library books, but made a conscious effort to keep going at the to-be-read pile. I also let myself give away some of the books that I realized I was never going to read--they were given to me in the first place, or I'd picked them up on an impulse that had since flickered out. After 8 years, that pile is now down to 5 books!
Thanks for sharing this! I think about this all the time - I am a shopping addict and always enthralled by what others have and wanting to create a vibe, style or outfit that resonates. I've actually found great solace in the Fashion Substack space learning so much more about second hand shopping and recommendations and how you should shop (making sure you can style something 5 different ways for example).
Anyways, the scarcity mindset that Ezra Klein talked about in a recent podcast interview really speaks to this whole experience too! How can we sit with NOT having something and using that to learn what we actually need. I think about a no-buy month all the time when it comes to clothes and have done it once before and should probably do it again! Thanks for sharing all of this - definitely going to look into you other articles more and read Ann Patchett's book!
“Hard to ignore a sign so loud as your own bristling.”
I feel attacked, and I guess that’s the point 😂
Thank you for the reminder of all the ways to get that dopamine rush, and of how good it will feel to have a little more space and to know that things are on their way to new adventures.
It's been amazing in the four days since I wrote this how many ads have pummeled me with BUT YOU NEED IT! Proclaiming my intentions here has been helpful already!
I loved waking up to the new year and reading this Kelton! I've decided after several months of reading your post to gift myself a subscription to Shangrilogs, the first substack newsletter I'm committing to financially (I can't promise for how long though sorry!). I've decided it would be like buying you a cup of coffee to say "thank you for the great reads and inspiration to write more myself".
Also, a few tips in terms of reducing consumption - I'm not sure you'll have access to charity shops in your small town but I replaced a lot of my "shopping" with the occasional browsing of thrift shops when I was living in London. Luckily London is full of abundance, and I was able to snag things like a cashmere jumper for a meer $15 or so. I also enjoyed discovered the art of gifting and was absorbed for a while in the concept of "gift economy". All those things you clean out might be someone else's treasure, or organise a neighbour swap and see what can be exchanged. Again, a real delight to read this. I wish you a fruitfully consumption reduced 2023.
Jade that’s so thoughtful and I assure you no ill will if the paid version isn’t right for you. I’ll take this month as my next chai latte 💛
Re: thrift, we do have a thrift store and second hand! And I love the idea of trying to source gifts from there. There’s also an affordable antique store about 90 minutes from here, and I think by visiting maybe more frequently than three times a year, I might find those perfect gifts. Thanks for sparking that idea.
I listened to “These Precious Days” and fell in love with Ann Patchett, with her words, and her wit, and her heart. If your library offers audiobooks I think it would be worthwhile to listen to her narrate it. Or borrow the audiobook “This is the Story of a Happy Marriage.” More excellent essays in that one.
I’m on the lower (lowest?) end of the income brackets in my 55+ community and I feel it all of the time. My friends here don’t flaunt their relative wealth, but seeing their things and hearing of their many travels can be hard. Our budget opened up a little at the end of the year, so I started buying things like kitchen towels just because I wanted something new. Your essay makes me pause and wonder if those things truly are what I want. Something along the lines of, if I can’t go on an Alaskan cruise am I really okay with new kitchen towels? How many new kitchen towels would equal a cruise?
What is it I REALLY want?
Ginny, I love this: "if I can’t go on an Alaskan cruise am I really okay with new kitchen towels?" I think the occasional kitchen towel to spark a little fancy matters, but I relate to that feeling, especially when I was in Topanga. It just felt like everyone had cooler cars, better vacations, nicer houses. It skewed my vision of what I wanted, and I'm still trying to correct it. I'm hoping this resolution helps me!
I would like to make sure this fabulous line does not go unnoticed: "If you’re not placating the feral children, you are provoking them." Bravo.
😂 thank you!
Happy New Year to you, and to Mr. Cooper and his friends.
My bookshelves are full, and three piles of books have accumulated nearby. So I resolved to reduce them by half this week.
I selected 8 books, and carried them to the car, feeling accomplished. But my wife grabbed two and stashed them in the laundry.
At the donation box, I dropped my 6 books in, feeling like I was abandoning a pet. Then I was overcome with second thoughts, and pulled back 2 books, and stood there re-reading favorite passages.
In all, I gave away only 4 books, and I miss them already. (Maybe I’ll find another copy at a used bookstore someday.) Robert
Sometimes books earn their spaces, and I think that's beautiful.
I love this reminder that less is more.... to see what you have anew.... rotate where you have your vases or paintings so you actually "see" them again because they are in a new place.... I'm going to the liquor store to get boxes so I can curate my closet of clothes I never wear anymore due to my taste, or I've outgrown them and I know I'm not going to be a size 6 again! (wishful thinking). I have tons of shoes for business travel - now that I'm retired - I'm not wearing them.... so out they go to the free bin. I've already purged books - but could do a second round. I know I'm not going to read most of them again. (But I can't seem to give up the complete works of Mark Twain that I did read in order once).
I also like your exceptions list... anything too rigid never works. My word for the year is "Be Curious" or "Wondering... So, thinking as I learn new skills - I wonder what I need to change to start to master this skill, or "I wonder why someone said that"... to ask more questions and not make assumptions... so I can add to my list "I wonder what it would be like to do without this... how would it really change my life" or "I wonder if I really need this or just want it? Is there something else I can use?" Words have power and I'm loving the idea of thinking this way and combining it with doing more with less. Thanks, as always, for provoking deeper thinking!
I love Be Curious! (And I'm with you on the business shoes, except my category of release is poorly made clothes I still own from my party days 😂 - it's a challenge to fight that "you never know" feeling!)
Baby stuff is such a scam. There is so much crap you're encouraged to buy and you buy it because not buying it means you don't want the best for your kids? We never got a crib just a pack and play with a mattress and it was the best decision ever. Never did up a baby room because we didn't have the room. There is so much stuff you can rent (babyquip) or buy gently used on FB marketplace. For clothes too - I'm doing Rent the Runway for my upcoming trips because I don't need to own anymore clothes.
Love you saying this. I've already started looking at stuff and being like, "this seems... silly." So much stuff you could *make* too! Like you can bet your bottom dollar the dog's old toys are getting washed and tied to an elaborate series of sticks as a mobile. Didn't know about babyquip which sounds amazing. We've been really lucky to stockpile hand-me-downs already. Gonna be calling you a lot to see if I need things lol.
Babies need so little! And I found the more shit I bought trying to make baby stage easier the worse I felt because it didn’t work 🫠
When my first son was born we had more hand-me-down clothes than he could ever wear. Did I want those cute little onesies at Target? Of course, but I stuck to mostly secondhand stuff because...well, I was broke! His changing table was two plastic tubs stacked on top of each other with a blanket on top. His room was decorated with art I handmade by recreating characters from a Sesame Street on poster board. Baby stuff is hella expensive, and I agree--the best way to save money is to look for creative alternatives or find gently used items.
I remember when I began pondering the costs of having my first child, one of my friends passed along some sage advice. He said “you’ll never be able to afford a child on paper, but when you have a child, you figure it out”. After rearing 5, that has been my experience. You figure it out. I stopped or drastically slowed down on flying r/c and golf. But I wouldn’t change a thing😉. You have this!
Appreciate this!
Oooh! Thanks for the book rec. Our 2022 was open to more treat-yo-selfing than others, (especially in the sustainable clothing brands offering deep discounts category... saying no to fast fashion is good, but we took it a little far this year, haha..). Our goal for 2023 is to only buy 5 things or less in that department—shoes, hats, all the things included. I'm so excited, as I love a good challenge! Looking forward to hearing you you do with your goal through 2023!
One of the best things about living out of a backpack for five years is the inability to buy things. But this year we have vowed to buy more experiences because a) those are truly valuable and b) we can actually afford them.
My friend Xylia talked about that very thing on a podcast with Ari Shaffrir, https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/nomad-with-xylia-buros/id468293449?i=1000574763739. She had this point of, "do I want a nice dress? Or do I want to go paragliding in Portugal?" and I think that's been bubbling in my brain since I heard it. Your newsletter really makes me want to go to more experiences, even if they're just at the local library. Thanks for being an inspiration, friend!
That comparison helped us save for our first big trip in 2012-2013! “Do I want a drink tonight, or do I want an hour-long Thai massage when we get there?”
Well, a blue dress can be awfully tempting... LOL. And hardly an inspiration, but thanks.
😂😂😂
Thank you for sharing! My word finally came to me today: Movement.
And I agree, 2023 sounds ugly!
Oooh, love movement. Dreamy.
It's so funny, I had been thinking about my word for a few weeks, and nothing came. I figured I wouldn't have a word this year, and that would be okay. And then after reading your article, it came!
I'm currently making my way through the Shangrilogs archives and it's great to be here.
And great to have you <3
Every year I try doing the year of not buying but end up having a really hard time with it. You’ve inspired me to try again and use your tips! Impulse book buying has become a serious problem because I got out of the habit of using the library during the pandemic but now I have over 100 I own and haven’t read and I need to fix that!
Oh gosh, related to this, I now have a "Read pile" — I used to have books scattered all over the house I meant to read, and now they're stacked, with library books on top, and I'm only allowed to dabble in the top three, and new books get added TO THE BOTTOM. Trying to teach myself to engage with these things conscientiously!
I'm such a mood reader, I'd have a hard time with those restrictions! I also think I'd die from the pile tipping over onto me if I tried that 😂
I made this consolidated stack about 8 years ago. It had about 50 books in it. I did let myself keep bringing new books home, and borrowing library books, but made a conscious effort to keep going at the to-be-read pile. I also let myself give away some of the books that I realized I was never going to read--they were given to me in the first place, or I'd picked them up on an impulse that had since flickered out. After 8 years, that pile is now down to 5 books!
Going to collect my scattered “to be reads” and stack them posthaste!
Beautiful essay! Incredible way to start the year, especially as a delayed gratification fellow Capricorn 😊
The Caps know 💛
Will there be a spreadsheet? OF COURSE.
TENACIOUSLY JOYOUS! joyful tenacity
Miss you my soul friend.
Thanks for sharing this! I think about this all the time - I am a shopping addict and always enthralled by what others have and wanting to create a vibe, style or outfit that resonates. I've actually found great solace in the Fashion Substack space learning so much more about second hand shopping and recommendations and how you should shop (making sure you can style something 5 different ways for example).
Anyways, the scarcity mindset that Ezra Klein talked about in a recent podcast interview really speaks to this whole experience too! How can we sit with NOT having something and using that to learn what we actually need. I think about a no-buy month all the time when it comes to clothes and have done it once before and should probably do it again! Thanks for sharing all of this - definitely going to look into you other articles more and read Ann Patchett's book!
And I'm gonna look up that Ezra Klein podcast!
You definitely should! I wrote a different spin on my take of it below - scarcity mindset when it comes to boyfriends :)
https://mishmosh.substack.com/p/soaring-solo
Would love your feedback!
Oooh and he's interviewing Chayka. I love his writing.
“Hard to ignore a sign so loud as your own bristling.”
I feel attacked, and I guess that’s the point 😂
Thank you for the reminder of all the ways to get that dopamine rush, and of how good it will feel to have a little more space and to know that things are on their way to new adventures.
It's been amazing in the four days since I wrote this how many ads have pummeled me with BUT YOU NEED IT! Proclaiming my intentions here has been helpful already!
this was every(thing)!
pun appreciated!
I loved waking up to the new year and reading this Kelton! I've decided after several months of reading your post to gift myself a subscription to Shangrilogs, the first substack newsletter I'm committing to financially (I can't promise for how long though sorry!). I've decided it would be like buying you a cup of coffee to say "thank you for the great reads and inspiration to write more myself".
Also, a few tips in terms of reducing consumption - I'm not sure you'll have access to charity shops in your small town but I replaced a lot of my "shopping" with the occasional browsing of thrift shops when I was living in London. Luckily London is full of abundance, and I was able to snag things like a cashmere jumper for a meer $15 or so. I also enjoyed discovered the art of gifting and was absorbed for a while in the concept of "gift economy". All those things you clean out might be someone else's treasure, or organise a neighbour swap and see what can be exchanged. Again, a real delight to read this. I wish you a fruitfully consumption reduced 2023.
Jade that’s so thoughtful and I assure you no ill will if the paid version isn’t right for you. I’ll take this month as my next chai latte 💛
Re: thrift, we do have a thrift store and second hand! And I love the idea of trying to source gifts from there. There’s also an affordable antique store about 90 minutes from here, and I think by visiting maybe more frequently than three times a year, I might find those perfect gifts. Thanks for sparking that idea.