I am originally from Upstate NY. My family has a camp in the Adirondacks, pretty basic but we love it. For years, I loved going to visit there because there was NO reception. Nothing . It was fabulous. We would sit by the fire, sing, talk, play games. Then, someone got the idea that there MUST be a cell phone tower installed (it looks like a tree, with branches at the top). I still like to go visit my family up there but now, someone is reading email, someone is listening to YouTube videos, someone is showing someone else a funny meme, etc.
I truly feel we lost something when we connected to the outside world up there....although it is handy in an emergency.
I got rid of social media apps but I have noticed Substack becoming my drug of choice lately. But I am trying to practice delayed gratification ( for instance, waiting to read this essay! ).
I often feel like a Martian around the Earthlings who find cell phones so irresistible. My phone spends most of its life turned off. To me, it is a chore to turn it on once a day or so to check for messages. The only reason I ever text with people is because that's the only way many of them will communicate, but I much prefer emailing from my desktop or even talking on my landline. I dread the day when I will not be able to travel, bank, get medical care or purchase necessities without using a smartphone. I think that day is almost upon us. Already my doctor's office is pushing me to "check in with your phone when you arrive!" As opposed to just ... walking up to the desk two feet away?
I have no apps on my phone except the few that came pre-installed. The idea of having to download apps and constantly check them and upgrade them makes me want to scream. Sometimes it feels like all tech has done is add endless chores to our lives. Shopping for gadgets, installing software, running updates, fixing bugs, creating passwords, retrieving authentication codes, upgrading--none of those chores existed or took a second of my life when I was in my 20s.
If a kid's friends all have phones, the kid will want one. If the kid's school requires the kid to have one (for attendance, homework, whatever), the kid will have to get one whether you want it or not. This is how my friends have all been pushed into getting their kids phones long before they wanted to. But in the long run, your and Ben's relationship with screens will be an influence too, so I applaud your efforts!
Two things: First, I used to do that on dates to appear non-anxious and unruffled by sitting alone at a table waiting for a date to come back without looking at my phone (and, of course, while I was used to solo dining because of work, I was not unruffled). Second, I have taught Tanner how to use his phone more efficiently (he didn’t know how to batch delete emails, for example!), which is very cute because he’s not tech-savvy and while sometimes he might text or be scrolling IG too much, he’s not in love with his phone and likes to read paper maps and it’s very endearing since I’m often hunched away on candy crush, eyes glazed over (candy crush will be my downfall). And, thirdly (sorry, there’s a third thing), whenever I feel too obsessed with my phone and want to check it, I try to be mindful and ask myself what could possibly be happening that I need to look at it again 10 minutes after I just checked it. (Probably nothing!!!) (Does this method work? Debatable.) (I kind of think one of the reasons I like camping and hiking so much is just to get away from my phone and hopefully be somewhere with no service.)
I have been recently checking myself in regards to the early morning scrolling too. I’ve been falling back asleep so much more easily when I read a book or just lay there and focus on my breath. Shocker, I know. But I dream of a place without the major distraction of phones. I know it’s not generally realistic for most of us but often feeling like the only one present in a full room always makes me feel some type of way.
I used to be pretty anti-technology for kids, and now we are at the point (10 and 12 year old) that we are really focusing on teaching them how to self-regulate and use it appropriately, because it is SO prevalent in their daily lives. For example, my 6th grader (middle school) doesn't have textbooks - everything is digital, and all textbooks are loaded onto the (school issued) chromebook and all assignments are completed and turned in digitally as well. People around here seem to give kids phones around the 6th grade mark as well, and I have to admit it's handy when they want to ride bikes or ski with friends or whatever to have a way for them to contact us (and even for sleepovers - nobody's parents have land lines anymore, so just knowing she has an easy way to contact me in an emergency you know?). Both of the kids got smart watches for their 8th birthdays as well, because it was a great transition piece to technology. Thankfully we live in an area with lots of latitude and independence given to kids, but that does mean that having a way to remind them to check in at the friend's house or park or whatever is handy.
Oh, and I'd totally throw in the iPad in case you want to play Candy Crush between contractions for awhile! You may be in and out quickly, or it may be 48 hours. Being able to distract your mind if it's a slow time is NOT the worst idea during your birthing time. :)
As a 70 y/o retired physician now artist I definitely relate to the dopamine hit addiction. I have IG only for seeing my grandchildren at play (millennial DIL). Facebook is still good for checking with groups that organize meetups that way and I am religious about blocking ads and unwanted feeds. I no longer post anything because that constant checking for “likes” was crazy making. Even my email, which is full of interesting newsletters mostly, required me to set boundaries. No checking email for the first 2 hours I am awake or down the links rabbit hole I will go. My phone and iPad do not go to bed with me, only my dedicated Kindle or a real book. Setting the Do not disturb on my phone with my family as ring through is a good strategy for those weird middle of the night notifications for payments and delivery stuff. It is a strange world we now must navigate to keep our selves in the now. Thank you Kelton for your checking in on those decisions that are on most of our minds.
My first response is to suggest you cut yourself some slack during this very uncomfortable period and recognize that once the baby comes you will probably be too busy/exhausted to pick up your phone for a while. For whatever else it’s worth, I have two suggestions: 1) the ClearSpace app which at least makes you do some deep breathing before opening the phone app and closes it after however many minutes you choose(I’ve been using it for months and my online habits have changed!), and 2) a meditation or hypnosis app with specific sessions for sleep and relaxing. My current favorite is Harmony Hypnosis because his voice is soothing and the imagery is wonderful. Lots of nature scenes and so many different options. Joseph Clough’s hypnosis app is good too, more word based than imagery, but I’m not sure as many good ones for middle of the night.
My guy doesn't have social and hates phones too. It's so refreshing. I removed socials from my phone and it's gotten better, but I still hate when I turn to it out of boredom or discomfort. I end up checking me email a million times, and as you write, find nothing. Mamma mia.
“What are you hoping to find?” When I’m completely honest with myself, the answer is, “something better.” Makes me think I’d be better served by cultivating curiosity and appreciation for what’s already around me.
When my township held a meeting to discuss a planned cell tower nearby, a surprising number of residents said they didn't mind the lack of reception away from their WiFi. I never really thought about it before, but after hearing so many people say that, I realized that I agree. I've been making a habit of choosing a Focus to enable when I don't want to be bothered with email/Ring/text notifications every 30 seconds. It's bliss!
This is a random question, but your posts about how you have to travel far for groceries and medical care made me wonder—where are the schools around you? Are they also that far away?
I am originally from Upstate NY. My family has a camp in the Adirondacks, pretty basic but we love it. For years, I loved going to visit there because there was NO reception. Nothing . It was fabulous. We would sit by the fire, sing, talk, play games. Then, someone got the idea that there MUST be a cell phone tower installed (it looks like a tree, with branches at the top). I still like to go visit my family up there but now, someone is reading email, someone is listening to YouTube videos, someone is showing someone else a funny meme, etc.
I truly feel we lost something when we connected to the outside world up there....although it is handy in an emergency.
I got rid of social media apps but I have noticed Substack becoming my drug of choice lately. But I am trying to practice delayed gratification ( for instance, waiting to read this essay! ).
I often feel like a Martian around the Earthlings who find cell phones so irresistible. My phone spends most of its life turned off. To me, it is a chore to turn it on once a day or so to check for messages. The only reason I ever text with people is because that's the only way many of them will communicate, but I much prefer emailing from my desktop or even talking on my landline. I dread the day when I will not be able to travel, bank, get medical care or purchase necessities without using a smartphone. I think that day is almost upon us. Already my doctor's office is pushing me to "check in with your phone when you arrive!" As opposed to just ... walking up to the desk two feet away?
I have no apps on my phone except the few that came pre-installed. The idea of having to download apps and constantly check them and upgrade them makes me want to scream. Sometimes it feels like all tech has done is add endless chores to our lives. Shopping for gadgets, installing software, running updates, fixing bugs, creating passwords, retrieving authentication codes, upgrading--none of those chores existed or took a second of my life when I was in my 20s.
If a kid's friends all have phones, the kid will want one. If the kid's school requires the kid to have one (for attendance, homework, whatever), the kid will have to get one whether you want it or not. This is how my friends have all been pushed into getting their kids phones long before they wanted to. But in the long run, your and Ben's relationship with screens will be an influence too, so I applaud your efforts!
Two things: First, I used to do that on dates to appear non-anxious and unruffled by sitting alone at a table waiting for a date to come back without looking at my phone (and, of course, while I was used to solo dining because of work, I was not unruffled). Second, I have taught Tanner how to use his phone more efficiently (he didn’t know how to batch delete emails, for example!), which is very cute because he’s not tech-savvy and while sometimes he might text or be scrolling IG too much, he’s not in love with his phone and likes to read paper maps and it’s very endearing since I’m often hunched away on candy crush, eyes glazed over (candy crush will be my downfall). And, thirdly (sorry, there’s a third thing), whenever I feel too obsessed with my phone and want to check it, I try to be mindful and ask myself what could possibly be happening that I need to look at it again 10 minutes after I just checked it. (Probably nothing!!!) (Does this method work? Debatable.) (I kind of think one of the reasons I like camping and hiking so much is just to get away from my phone and hopefully be somewhere with no service.)
I have been recently checking myself in regards to the early morning scrolling too. I’ve been falling back asleep so much more easily when I read a book or just lay there and focus on my breath. Shocker, I know. But I dream of a place without the major distraction of phones. I know it’s not generally realistic for most of us but often feeling like the only one present in a full room always makes me feel some type of way.
I used to be pretty anti-technology for kids, and now we are at the point (10 and 12 year old) that we are really focusing on teaching them how to self-regulate and use it appropriately, because it is SO prevalent in their daily lives. For example, my 6th grader (middle school) doesn't have textbooks - everything is digital, and all textbooks are loaded onto the (school issued) chromebook and all assignments are completed and turned in digitally as well. People around here seem to give kids phones around the 6th grade mark as well, and I have to admit it's handy when they want to ride bikes or ski with friends or whatever to have a way for them to contact us (and even for sleepovers - nobody's parents have land lines anymore, so just knowing she has an easy way to contact me in an emergency you know?). Both of the kids got smart watches for their 8th birthdays as well, because it was a great transition piece to technology. Thankfully we live in an area with lots of latitude and independence given to kids, but that does mean that having a way to remind them to check in at the friend's house or park or whatever is handy.
Oh, and I'd totally throw in the iPad in case you want to play Candy Crush between contractions for awhile! You may be in and out quickly, or it may be 48 hours. Being able to distract your mind if it's a slow time is NOT the worst idea during your birthing time. :)
Pretty sure I love Anthony because he still has a flip phone.
As a 70 y/o retired physician now artist I definitely relate to the dopamine hit addiction. I have IG only for seeing my grandchildren at play (millennial DIL). Facebook is still good for checking with groups that organize meetups that way and I am religious about blocking ads and unwanted feeds. I no longer post anything because that constant checking for “likes” was crazy making. Even my email, which is full of interesting newsletters mostly, required me to set boundaries. No checking email for the first 2 hours I am awake or down the links rabbit hole I will go. My phone and iPad do not go to bed with me, only my dedicated Kindle or a real book. Setting the Do not disturb on my phone with my family as ring through is a good strategy for those weird middle of the night notifications for payments and delivery stuff. It is a strange world we now must navigate to keep our selves in the now. Thank you Kelton for your checking in on those decisions that are on most of our minds.
My first response is to suggest you cut yourself some slack during this very uncomfortable period and recognize that once the baby comes you will probably be too busy/exhausted to pick up your phone for a while. For whatever else it’s worth, I have two suggestions: 1) the ClearSpace app which at least makes you do some deep breathing before opening the phone app and closes it after however many minutes you choose(I’ve been using it for months and my online habits have changed!), and 2) a meditation or hypnosis app with specific sessions for sleep and relaxing. My current favorite is Harmony Hypnosis because his voice is soothing and the imagery is wonderful. Lots of nature scenes and so many different options. Joseph Clough’s hypnosis app is good too, more word based than imagery, but I’m not sure as many good ones for middle of the night.
My guy doesn't have social and hates phones too. It's so refreshing. I removed socials from my phone and it's gotten better, but I still hate when I turn to it out of boredom or discomfort. I end up checking me email a million times, and as you write, find nothing. Mamma mia.
“What are you hoping to find?” When I’m completely honest with myself, the answer is, “something better.” Makes me think I’d be better served by cultivating curiosity and appreciation for what’s already around me.
When my township held a meeting to discuss a planned cell tower nearby, a surprising number of residents said they didn't mind the lack of reception away from their WiFi. I never really thought about it before, but after hearing so many people say that, I realized that I agree. I've been making a habit of choosing a Focus to enable when I don't want to be bothered with email/Ring/text notifications every 30 seconds. It's bliss!
This is a random question, but your posts about how you have to travel far for groceries and medical care made me wonder—where are the schools around you? Are they also that far away?