My husband of 50 years died suddenly and unexpectedly two weeks ago. I’m journaling my way through my grief and the myriad of challenges and changes his loss brings to my life. Today, on my largest sketch pad, I will draw myself and begin to document all the trails I mentally and emotionally hike. Let’s see how many miles I walk and where I explore this coming year. Thank you, Kelton, for this inspiration!
Your paragraph about children being autumns and nostalgia overpowering gratitude is stunning. I am 38, pregnant for the first time, and still trying to find the words for what this experience has and will teach me. Thanks for being such a great role model for that!
Agree Kelton! This line: “A child is an autumn. They are ever fleeting and falling, changing into something else as you try to capture what just was.” Wow 🤯
Love your trail metaphor. In my 30s, I used to get so ticked at myself for what I called “losing the thread” of my life. Now in my 50s I’ve come to realize that this is a natural ebb and flow that comes with being human. There usually were reasons for what I was doing or not doing - in many cases I just wasn’t ready but hadn’t realized it. And then at some point, I’d come back and pick up the thread and find the path forward more clear and easier. I’ve gradually learned to trust that resistance and the meandering path as my life has unfolded, rather than seeing it as a personal moral failing or character flaw. But man, can it be hard when you are in the middle of it. Looking forward to seeing where your trails take you!
Oh dude! I told a professor at my last job (when she asked why I had waited until now to apply to grad school) that I had "lost the thread", and she repeated it back to me like, "huh!". It's totally true, and I appreciate your reframe of it as something that had to happen; I kinda thought it was bc I dropped the thread!
Egg to chicken: approximately 21 days. 3-5 year lifespan
Human: approximately 9 months. up to 100+ year lifespan
Elephant: approximately 22 months. Up to 70 years in the wild
Novel: no known predictable timeline for gestation but never expires.
I get dizzy when I try to track all the different timelines I’m living. Some drag and some are screeching out of control. Must be like the planets in our solar system; as long as they don’t collide, everything is OK as is.
Thanks for an awesome landscape photo. I’m always magnetically drawn to images of pathways; so inviting.
Lovely Lady…you wrote “They’re not inquiries or curiosities, they’re not wistful longings to correct their own behaviors — they’re orders.” Part of that is on you. The certainty we communicate with is our (societal) immaturity in communication imho. I see that as an acquired American trait. And not a good one. One that increases partisanship by trying to sound specific.
And you defend the pedantry. Good. You should. Please please keep it up. We come here for your words. We wait. Sometimes patiently for your words. We shower you with our (meager) riches for your replay of life events. Don’t hide from your talent. And please don’t deny us those wonderful words because they are intimate. And we recognize that. Moreover, we keep coming back for more.
And lastly, gently….your child is our greatest hope. Ours, even when he is yours. Love, Gray.
How do you know you’re not writing a book right now? Or that the desire to write a novel is being played out in how you’re living your life? Having jus5 watched a friend beautifully serialize a book on Substack, the world of books seems to be expanding. Probably the main thing I’ve learned at 56 is that the trail never goes where you think it will.
Speaking not as a therapist but as one who has written umpteen novels and had three of them published, you are absolutely right that "over 130 essays of over 200,000 words to over 6,000 people" is writing, and it's a writing accomplishment to be proud of. Many novels don't get that big a readership. Most people outside the publishing world don't understand just how unpredictable this business is, and that a novel is not necessarily the pinnacle of writing achievement. If you have a story that needs to be told in novel form, by all means go for it, but as you have already discovered, there are many ways to be a writer.
Btw, I just love this: "You did appreciate it, but a moment is merely a moment. It’s not meant to last." It speaks to my own attempts to capture, to savor, what is temporary.
My husband of 50 years died suddenly and unexpectedly two weeks ago. I’m journaling my way through my grief and the myriad of challenges and changes his loss brings to my life. Today, on my largest sketch pad, I will draw myself and begin to document all the trails I mentally and emotionally hike. Let’s see how many miles I walk and where I explore this coming year. Thank you, Kelton, for this inspiration!
Oh Maureen, my heart is with you. I'm thinking of you — and him. I love the idea of drawing the mental trails. Thank you for sharing that with us.
So sorry for the sudden landslide on your path, Maureen. May gentleness surround you
Sending huge hug to you Maureen. And what a powerful idea you shared with all of us!
So much love to you Maureen.
Your paragraph about children being autumns and nostalgia overpowering gratitude is stunning. I am 38, pregnant for the first time, and still trying to find the words for what this experience has and will teach me. Thanks for being such a great role model for that!
Agree Kelton! This line: “A child is an autumn. They are ever fleeting and falling, changing into something else as you try to capture what just was.” Wow 🤯
Oh, thank you for this
Love your trail metaphor. In my 30s, I used to get so ticked at myself for what I called “losing the thread” of my life. Now in my 50s I’ve come to realize that this is a natural ebb and flow that comes with being human. There usually were reasons for what I was doing or not doing - in many cases I just wasn’t ready but hadn’t realized it. And then at some point, I’d come back and pick up the thread and find the path forward more clear and easier. I’ve gradually learned to trust that resistance and the meandering path as my life has unfolded, rather than seeing it as a personal moral failing or character flaw. But man, can it be hard when you are in the middle of it. Looking forward to seeing where your trails take you!
Oh dude! I told a professor at my last job (when she asked why I had waited until now to apply to grad school) that I had "lost the thread", and she repeated it back to me like, "huh!". It's totally true, and I appreciate your reframe of it as something that had to happen; I kinda thought it was bc I dropped the thread!
Egg to chicken: approximately 21 days. 3-5 year lifespan
Human: approximately 9 months. up to 100+ year lifespan
Elephant: approximately 22 months. Up to 70 years in the wild
Novel: no known predictable timeline for gestation but never expires.
I get dizzy when I try to track all the different timelines I’m living. Some drag and some are screeching out of control. Must be like the planets in our solar system; as long as they don’t collide, everything is OK as is.
Thanks for an awesome landscape photo. I’m always magnetically drawn to images of pathways; so inviting.
Lovely Lady…you wrote “They’re not inquiries or curiosities, they’re not wistful longings to correct their own behaviors — they’re orders.” Part of that is on you. The certainty we communicate with is our (societal) immaturity in communication imho. I see that as an acquired American trait. And not a good one. One that increases partisanship by trying to sound specific.
And you defend the pedantry. Good. You should. Please please keep it up. We come here for your words. We wait. Sometimes patiently for your words. We shower you with our (meager) riches for your replay of life events. Don’t hide from your talent. And please don’t deny us those wonderful words because they are intimate. And we recognize that. Moreover, we keep coming back for more.
And lastly, gently….your child is our greatest hope. Ours, even when he is yours. Love, Gray.
"One that increases partisanship by trying to sound specific." This is on my mind today!
How do you know you’re not writing a book right now? Or that the desire to write a novel is being played out in how you’re living your life? Having jus5 watched a friend beautifully serialize a book on Substack, the world of books seems to be expanding. Probably the main thing I’ve learned at 56 is that the trail never goes where you think it will.
I *love* the idea of serializing a book on here. And maybe like you said, I sort of am!
Speaking not as a therapist but as one who has written umpteen novels and had three of them published, you are absolutely right that "over 130 essays of over 200,000 words to over 6,000 people" is writing, and it's a writing accomplishment to be proud of. Many novels don't get that big a readership. Most people outside the publishing world don't understand just how unpredictable this business is, and that a novel is not necessarily the pinnacle of writing achievement. If you have a story that needs to be told in novel form, by all means go for it, but as you have already discovered, there are many ways to be a writer.
Btw, I just love this: "You did appreciate it, but a moment is merely a moment. It’s not meant to last." It speaks to my own attempts to capture, to savor, what is temporary.
Thanks for this.
Also, and I should’ve said this first, this is just beautiful writing.
💛