"We don’t have truck sheets or truck onesies and we didn’t have any truck toys then either. It just rolled up the hill with its engine growling and it was like the child’s balls dropped."
BWA HA HA! Thanks for making me spit out my tea!
A friend of ours really wanted her boys to be exposed to all kinds of things and not fall into gender cliches.
But the minute her oldest saw a train, it was Game, Set, Match and today he's an auto mechanic.
I love all of these so much! And I appreciate that having a kid makes you realize just what weird things you say as a family. We speak German at home, but when I tell you my kiddo can apply "eh, close enough" absolutely context-perfect 😂
But the body thing, uff. Having a girl, it starts SO early, like at two their swim wear is now a bikini and shorts and shirts need to be cropped?! Fuck right off with that terrifying sexualization!!! What I do, which I know is a bit cliché, is have a little mantra we say before bed "I am strong, smart, capable, loved, just right" etc. I just want to drill it into her that she's more than her looks!
And I police myself and my parents, so that we don't talk negatively about our bodies, or describe people by their weight first, etc.
Oh, and YES to all the dangerous animals being female now - in German, the male form is used as the generic descriptor for all jobs, but we only have Astronautin, Ärztin, Polizistin, etc. She will be so surprised that men can go to space!!! 😂😂😂
I have a chatty 2.5 year old boy, and man does the language question become so much more impactful once they can really start to speak. He's become a little parrot, and while we weren't super precious about swearing in the house before, we have definitely curbed and try to curb others around him to prevent the acquisition of those words for very specific reasons I couldn't anticipate before kids.
If your kid is in daycare, there's so much motivation for YOUR kid not to be the bad influence, and the teachers and staff are pretty anti-bad language (understandably). Ours recently learned the phrase "Stupid man!" (full phrase "stupid man in the sharpie tree") from some kid and it stuck. He also learned the word "fuck" from this child, but the stupid man phrase is the one he repeats gleefully and regularly. We don't love this insult, but I realize now it's more the desire TO insult we dislike and try to correct. And perhaps that's really more of the issue; we don't want him to use words to hurt, irrespective of what they happen to be. So what we've started policing in ourselves is our knee jerk verbal reaction to antisocial behavior - the bad driver, the Tesla Cybertruck, whatever thing happens to frustrate us right now, etc.
Your comment about the trucks also mirrors our own experience - we aren't car people but our son totally is! It's like some innate boy thing. I resisted toy cars for way too long when he was younger in a misguided attempt to remain gender neutral, and to my great regret, as they are far and away his FAVORITE toys. The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess. His favorite movie is, you guessed it, Cars.
Also tried so hard to be gender neutral, which seemed easier with boy/girl twins. All toys available to both. And toy weapons of any kind were not allowed, especially guns. My son turned everything into swords and guns (even a plate holder once), and he grew up to become a Marine (not what either of his parents would have chosen for him). I think we have much less influence than we hope we do!
Fuck yes, Little Susie Sand Viper will get cunty if you poo in the house. Just had to type it. I laughed so loud while reading this and god, did I need it. Thank you!
I am the mother of a son whom I was determined to raise in a gender-neutral way. He had a play kitchen, a dollhouse, dolls, cute little pink plushies. And yet, when his first word was "ball" I knew the battle was lost.
Interesting. I will not take more time before I utter a pronoun in public, or a "gezuntheit" after a sneeze. I am part German, and that is the only German word I ever learned in my household. Should I keep it and share it and pass it down? Or just let it die in peace? Interesting how we get stuck in words without thinking too much about them. I will now plunder thru my substack thanks to your outlook on the English language. Thanks, Kelton,I need to pay more attention to myself these days and what comes out of my mouth. Fun Read!
It took me awhile to realize this, but when I read a child a book out loud I don’t have to say the actual words. I can make things up that align with my messages and values. The first thing I did after this lightbulb moment was change every single pronoun in every single book to “she”. It gave me a challenge too, because reading the same simple book a million times is kind of a snore.
I love this! All of it. Particularly laughing at “bad dog” and the creative cussing. As to Angel, my grandmother called all four of us granddaughters angels, our entire life. She had two boys and she wanted girls, so when she got four granddaughters and no grandsons, she was thrilled. She dressed us in pretty dresses for Easter, but she was consistent with the angels the rest of her life. I never once thought of it as wishing us to be angels. I think in her eyes we just were. I think of it now like someone being able to see your spirit shining out of you, to see your inner beauty, regardless of your outer wrapping or behavior.
Remember the Gary Larson cartoon “Bla bla bla Ginger bla bla bla?
It’s mostly tone coming through anyway.
My grandfather taught me to swear in French. It does just sound better! A vehement MERDE!! gets the point across and didn’t land me in the principal’s office. He got rigorous practice milking eight cows daily. When they went to stay at their little cabin on a mineral lake, the polite hired man never got as much milk from those cows. It was just too quiet in there, no?
Long ago a co-worker and I decided that we were both cussing too much when he became a dad. So when discussing a certain asshole we both dealt with, he became ‘that aardvark’. No doubt whatsoever about what was being expressed, yet more appropriate for the setting. Still makes me smile.
But in our culture, where we glorify endless rain, there is no substitute for “pissing rain”. None. (Yeah it’s a brag)
I laughed at so many parts of this - so relatable.
For sneezing, my auto response is bless you, but I try to work in gesundheit, and my Spanish-speaking family says salud! Multilingual sneezing acknowledgements over here.
I’m inspired to come up with some creative swears now, because “Jesus fucking Christ” is well-worn in my modern heretical household. I’m thinking something like “you’re a dingdong hamburglar, ya buff-crested bustard!” (The latter is my favorite bird at the zoo!!!)
Love the “he” part. I find myself often doing that and self-correct. I’m a teacher and these cute K-2 faces are hanging on every word so it matters so much!! Also, really feel the big on manners and not big on religion part. Need to find a good alternative to “bless you.” 😂
Definitely stealing "you're really needling my conifer." And, as a fellow "Jesus fucking christ"er, inspired to get more creative with my cussing. Stop marmoting my engine wires. You're really chafing my armpit. What a bunch of stinging nettle. That's a real posthole to the crotch.
"We don’t have truck sheets or truck onesies and we didn’t have any truck toys then either. It just rolled up the hill with its engine growling and it was like the child’s balls dropped."
BWA HA HA! Thanks for making me spit out my tea!
A friend of ours really wanted her boys to be exposed to all kinds of things and not fall into gender cliches.
But the minute her oldest saw a train, it was Game, Set, Match and today he's an auto mechanic.
I love that. If you're gonna be into, be reeeeally into it.
I love all of these so much! And I appreciate that having a kid makes you realize just what weird things you say as a family. We speak German at home, but when I tell you my kiddo can apply "eh, close enough" absolutely context-perfect 😂
But the body thing, uff. Having a girl, it starts SO early, like at two their swim wear is now a bikini and shorts and shirts need to be cropped?! Fuck right off with that terrifying sexualization!!! What I do, which I know is a bit cliché, is have a little mantra we say before bed "I am strong, smart, capable, loved, just right" etc. I just want to drill it into her that she's more than her looks!
And I police myself and my parents, so that we don't talk negatively about our bodies, or describe people by their weight first, etc.
Oh, and YES to all the dangerous animals being female now - in German, the male form is used as the generic descriptor for all jobs, but we only have Astronautin, Ärztin, Polizistin, etc. She will be so surprised that men can go to space!!! 😂😂😂
Loool this is my kind of pendulum swing.
My family, (with no German ancestry) always say "Gesundheit!" for a sneeze.
A classic, for sure.
Ah, perhaps a relative of mine?
😂 having fun imaging that first kindergarten interaction where Woods yells SCIENCE at a classmate
😂
lol gonna be as annoying as his parents in no time
Wiping your hands on your socks? Never occurred to me. It's brilliant, not at all the sign of a heathen.
😈
I have a chatty 2.5 year old boy, and man does the language question become so much more impactful once they can really start to speak. He's become a little parrot, and while we weren't super precious about swearing in the house before, we have definitely curbed and try to curb others around him to prevent the acquisition of those words for very specific reasons I couldn't anticipate before kids.
If your kid is in daycare, there's so much motivation for YOUR kid not to be the bad influence, and the teachers and staff are pretty anti-bad language (understandably). Ours recently learned the phrase "Stupid man!" (full phrase "stupid man in the sharpie tree") from some kid and it stuck. He also learned the word "fuck" from this child, but the stupid man phrase is the one he repeats gleefully and regularly. We don't love this insult, but I realize now it's more the desire TO insult we dislike and try to correct. And perhaps that's really more of the issue; we don't want him to use words to hurt, irrespective of what they happen to be. So what we've started policing in ourselves is our knee jerk verbal reaction to antisocial behavior - the bad driver, the Tesla Cybertruck, whatever thing happens to frustrate us right now, etc.
Your comment about the trucks also mirrors our own experience - we aren't car people but our son totally is! It's like some innate boy thing. I resisted toy cars for way too long when he was younger in a misguided attempt to remain gender neutral, and to my great regret, as they are far and away his FAVORITE toys. The heart wants what the heart wants, I guess. His favorite movie is, you guessed it, Cars.
Also tried so hard to be gender neutral, which seemed easier with boy/girl twins. All toys available to both. And toy weapons of any kind were not allowed, especially guns. My son turned everything into swords and guns (even a plate holder once), and he grew up to become a Marine (not what either of his parents would have chosen for him). I think we have much less influence than we hope we do!
Trying to Murphy’s law my way into daycare and off the waiting list by being utterly unprepared
Fuck yes, Little Susie Sand Viper will get cunty if you poo in the house. Just had to type it. I laughed so loud while reading this and god, did I need it. Thank you!
My new favorite nursery rhyme
Maybe we should set it to the tune of Little Bunny Foo-foo cause that song was weeeird.
I am the mother of a son whom I was determined to raise in a gender-neutral way. He had a play kitchen, a dollhouse, dolls, cute little pink plushies. And yet, when his first word was "ball" I knew the battle was lost.
😂
Interesting. I will not take more time before I utter a pronoun in public, or a "gezuntheit" after a sneeze. I am part German, and that is the only German word I ever learned in my household. Should I keep it and share it and pass it down? Or just let it die in peace? Interesting how we get stuck in words without thinking too much about them. I will now plunder thru my substack thanks to your outlook on the English language. Thanks, Kelton,I need to pay more attention to myself these days and what comes out of my mouth. Fun Read!
Plunder, such a good word.
I actually do plunder history from Wiki as I don't know as much as I think I do, for sure!
It took me awhile to realize this, but when I read a child a book out loud I don’t have to say the actual words. I can make things up that align with my messages and values. The first thing I did after this lightbulb moment was change every single pronoun in every single book to “she”. It gave me a challenge too, because reading the same simple book a million times is kind of a snore.
Oooh yes. I’ve added lots of complex layers to Where’s Spot? lol
I love this! All of it. Particularly laughing at “bad dog” and the creative cussing. As to Angel, my grandmother called all four of us granddaughters angels, our entire life. She had two boys and she wanted girls, so when she got four granddaughters and no grandsons, she was thrilled. She dressed us in pretty dresses for Easter, but she was consistent with the angels the rest of her life. I never once thought of it as wishing us to be angels. I think in her eyes we just were. I think of it now like someone being able to see your spirit shining out of you, to see your inner beauty, regardless of your outer wrapping or behavior.
A much more beautiful sentiment than my burbling paranoia.
Remember the Gary Larson cartoon “Bla bla bla Ginger bla bla bla?
It’s mostly tone coming through anyway.
My grandfather taught me to swear in French. It does just sound better! A vehement MERDE!! gets the point across and didn’t land me in the principal’s office. He got rigorous practice milking eight cows daily. When they went to stay at their little cabin on a mineral lake, the polite hired man never got as much milk from those cows. It was just too quiet in there, no?
Long ago a co-worker and I decided that we were both cussing too much when he became a dad. So when discussing a certain asshole we both dealt with, he became ‘that aardvark’. No doubt whatsoever about what was being expressed, yet more appropriate for the setting. Still makes me smile.
But in our culture, where we glorify endless rain, there is no substitute for “pissing rain”. None. (Yeah it’s a brag)
😂 a lot of gems in here
I laughed at so many parts of this - so relatable.
For sneezing, my auto response is bless you, but I try to work in gesundheit, and my Spanish-speaking family says salud! Multilingual sneezing acknowledgements over here.
Salud is very good. Also regionally appropriate for us and his eventual classmates.
I’m inspired to come up with some creative swears now, because “Jesus fucking Christ” is well-worn in my modern heretical household. I’m thinking something like “you’re a dingdong hamburglar, ya buff-crested bustard!” (The latter is my favorite bird at the zoo!!!)
Perfect. 10/10.
Love the “he” part. I find myself often doing that and self-correct. I’m a teacher and these cute K-2 faces are hanging on every word so it matters so much!! Also, really feel the big on manners and not big on religion part. Need to find a good alternative to “bless you.” 😂
Hanging on every word! I'm glad my overthinking isn't for nothing.
Definitely stealing "you're really needling my conifer." And, as a fellow "Jesus fucking christ"er, inspired to get more creative with my cussing. Stop marmoting my engine wires. You're really chafing my armpit. What a bunch of stinging nettle. That's a real posthole to the crotch.