I always look forward to your Sunday posts, even when they make me cry - like this one did (again)... the courage to share your vulnerability - so raw, so real - is healing for those of us who still grieve our soul partner pets. I cannot tell the story of letting my soul dog, Kagan, go without crying and it's been over 5 years. I still have his ashes in a beautifully carved wooden box with a stone heart with his name ingraved on it. I can't think of where to scatter his ashes. Or if I want to. I so understand the ache - and the recognition you get from being in a small community where people notice. Thank you for sharing your life with us.... I hope I get to meet you some day!
This is beautiful and heartbreaking and so warm and tender. It is such a generous gift you're giving us, talking about your grief while you are in it —there is something soft and permissive about it, a reminder that oh yes I can do that, too 💜
Also! I am here if you ever want to brainstorm podcast ideas for Shangrilogs :)
I’ve been thinking a lot about death and grief lately. I’m iterating on the idea that it’s like a big bill that comes due for pretty much everyone. Sometimes we can see it coming from a long way off and sometimes it’s a big fat surprise in our inbox. No amount of stuffing it in a box, pretending it’s spam, or ignoring it will make it go away. We must suffer and pay it. Or we can really suffer and put it off. Sending 💙.
What a beautiful post. I am a person who loves a cat and am relocating to a smaller town than San Francisco. Your writing found me right on time. Thank you!
Gosh Kelton, there's so much I can agree with you here. The nonchalant "how are you" from those not in our inner circle get to us all the time—Ryan regularly says the same thing as Ben, feeling like he's a liar.
In some spaces it's easier than others to show up with our radical authenticity, especially amidst grief and emotion that so many are not comfortable around (or could potentially view as weakness in the workplace). Little by little, though, I feel those of us who choose to bare our hearts—regardless of discomfort and judgement—makes it less scary for others to share, or even feel, their own beautiful vulnerabilities in big love and big grief. Kudos for sharing your heart and experience with your beloved kitty who can still be cherished, even though he isn't physically purring next to you.
I've also had similar thoughts on religion and I guess identify as being "spiritual" more than anything. To me, there's so much that we don't know... which keeps the door cracked for magic to get in. I've been catching up on Brené Brown's Unlocking Us podcast and a couple days ago listened to her conversation with Father Richard Rohr on spirituality, certitude and infinite love... it's a beautiful episode! I'll link it here, if you're interested. :) https://brenebrown.com/podcast/spirituality-certitude-and-infinite-love-part-1-of-2/
And lastly, thanks so much for the shoutout! *insert weepy eyed and loved emojis* It's been tough to share the loss of our son, and the amazing life we were in the middle of with him, in such a public way. I'm grateful for the overwhelming amount of support, empathy and love being sent in our direction... but am also aware of mud being slung over us "exploiting our situation." I know the negativity comes with the territory—and I have to assume you all have had to deal with it, too—but it definitely stings.
Oh! One more thing. Yes to a podcast!! I'd love that and will brainstorm in the back of my mind. :)
Came back to thank you for recommending the Rose Thorn Bud podcast. I want to listen to it again and dissect every response Julia Hamlin gave - she reflected on what Nicole said with such compassion and understanding. It was a true master class.
i lost my stepdad/father figure back in august. it broke me, but it broke me open. i was absolutely a person who would say “im doing great!” when i had been crying all morning. now i have relieved myself of that burden, to be okay, to be great, by just saying how i really feel. i don’t have to carry on this performance. as sad as his death makes me, and i still cry every day, i think of the gift he gave me by showing up more authentically every day. i hate that snoots passed, but i’m so glad you have your town to hold you, to see you and ben, to skate ski and put out fires. these lights in our lives shine brightest during the darkest hours (wow that’s so corny but you know what i mean lol). sending you guys squeezy hugs.
I always look forward to your Sunday posts, even when they make me cry - like this one did (again)... the courage to share your vulnerability - so raw, so real - is healing for those of us who still grieve our soul partner pets. I cannot tell the story of letting my soul dog, Kagan, go without crying and it's been over 5 years. I still have his ashes in a beautifully carved wooden box with a stone heart with his name ingraved on it. I can't think of where to scatter his ashes. Or if I want to. I so understand the ache - and the recognition you get from being in a small community where people notice. Thank you for sharing your life with us.... I hope I get to meet you some day!
We’re going to put a little of Snoots in his favorite plants, and then around the tree we’ll plant for him. 💛
This is beautiful and heartbreaking and so warm and tender. It is such a generous gift you're giving us, talking about your grief while you are in it —there is something soft and permissive about it, a reminder that oh yes I can do that, too 💜
Also! I am here if you ever want to brainstorm podcast ideas for Shangrilogs :)
Oh I will definitely take you up on that.
I’ve been thinking a lot about death and grief lately. I’m iterating on the idea that it’s like a big bill that comes due for pretty much everyone. Sometimes we can see it coming from a long way off and sometimes it’s a big fat surprise in our inbox. No amount of stuffing it in a box, pretending it’s spam, or ignoring it will make it go away. We must suffer and pay it. Or we can really suffer and put it off. Sending 💙.
Sending love and hugs to both you and Ben.
Thank you 💛
What a beautiful post. I am a person who loves a cat and am relocating to a smaller town than San Francisco. Your writing found me right on time. Thank you!
Welcome! Glad to have you here :)
Gosh Kelton, there's so much I can agree with you here. The nonchalant "how are you" from those not in our inner circle get to us all the time—Ryan regularly says the same thing as Ben, feeling like he's a liar.
In some spaces it's easier than others to show up with our radical authenticity, especially amidst grief and emotion that so many are not comfortable around (or could potentially view as weakness in the workplace). Little by little, though, I feel those of us who choose to bare our hearts—regardless of discomfort and judgement—makes it less scary for others to share, or even feel, their own beautiful vulnerabilities in big love and big grief. Kudos for sharing your heart and experience with your beloved kitty who can still be cherished, even though he isn't physically purring next to you.
I've also had similar thoughts on religion and I guess identify as being "spiritual" more than anything. To me, there's so much that we don't know... which keeps the door cracked for magic to get in. I've been catching up on Brené Brown's Unlocking Us podcast and a couple days ago listened to her conversation with Father Richard Rohr on spirituality, certitude and infinite love... it's a beautiful episode! I'll link it here, if you're interested. :) https://brenebrown.com/podcast/spirituality-certitude-and-infinite-love-part-1-of-2/
And lastly, thanks so much for the shoutout! *insert weepy eyed and loved emojis* It's been tough to share the loss of our son, and the amazing life we were in the middle of with him, in such a public way. I'm grateful for the overwhelming amount of support, empathy and love being sent in our direction... but am also aware of mud being slung over us "exploiting our situation." I know the negativity comes with the territory—and I have to assume you all have had to deal with it, too—but it definitely stings.
Oh! One more thing. Yes to a podcast!! I'd love that and will brainstorm in the back of my mind. :)
Thanks again for all you share with us. Hugs!
I just lost my dog at the end of December and I have resonated so much with your writing. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Came back to thank you for recommending the Rose Thorn Bud podcast. I want to listen to it again and dissect every response Julia Hamlin gave - she reflected on what Nicole said with such compassion and understanding. It was a true master class.
Thank you for another week of weeping and feeling so lucky to be able to grieve so hard. 💔
My eyes are softening and I’m smiling gently. I’ve loved and lost pets, but my god woman I’ve never loved like you do. Blessings as you grieve ❤️
i lost my stepdad/father figure back in august. it broke me, but it broke me open. i was absolutely a person who would say “im doing great!” when i had been crying all morning. now i have relieved myself of that burden, to be okay, to be great, by just saying how i really feel. i don’t have to carry on this performance. as sad as his death makes me, and i still cry every day, i think of the gift he gave me by showing up more authentically every day. i hate that snoots passed, but i’m so glad you have your town to hold you, to see you and ben, to skate ski and put out fires. these lights in our lives shine brightest during the darkest hours (wow that’s so corny but you know what i mean lol). sending you guys squeezy hugs.