Yes yes yes! Especially to number two. My oldest is five and this still stands - if the child is occupying themself (themselves?) YOU DO NOT NEED TO INVOLVE YOURSELF. It can feel sometimes like crappy parenting if they're hanging out solo, but if they're happy being solo, they're actually absolutely fine - it's good for them, even! Honestly some of the best parts of my day are spent quietly drinking a cup of tea as I observe my three children (ages 1,3 and 5) while they ignore me completely. That's a level of bliss money can't buy. Bask in it.
I, too, saw, somewhere(???), the "Don't try to make a happy kid happier" thing and, my goodness, did it floor me. Mine is 14 and this still applies. Love your writing, and loved noticing something I've been putting into practice right here in your own words and thoughts.
I am happy to say that I took my infant daughter to a pub when she was about 3 months old. More than once. We were living in Hong Kong, in Midlevels, a very densely-inhabited neighborhood (not a small ski town, I know). There was an English style pub a few hundred yards down the street and often, when I would take the nipper out for a stroll, I would pop in for a pint and some adult conversation. The pub, as far as I knew, had few other infant visitors, but the clientele were very welcoming.
I took my younger two literally everywhere with me for their first year, because they were so happy to sleep in a baby carrier. I, too, took my baby to the pub more than once, haha (maybe it's an English thing?)
lollllll “Do not, under any circumstance, start the process of winnowing down to a capsule wardrobe. You’re already wearing it if you could acknowledge that your capsule wardrobe is simply not that chic” i love this because even though i don’t have a baby, when i have long stretches of free time, i tend to do chores because i am a procrastination cleaner as well. i love everything feeling neat and tidy, and yet, im like “ugh why haven’t i had time to work on this thing i’ve dreamed of doing for so long?” because you keep vacuuming!!!!
If i inadvertently give advice, i apologize. The urge to help not make the same mistakes i did is sometimes irresistible. Did i spend too much time reading and not being the ceiling fan. Did i fail on Halloween costumes. The regret never ends, and trying to mitigate it means advice. Sorry!
When our kids were little my husband used to say, "Never touch a running system," which I believe comes from computer programming but also applies to babies!
I play pub trivia every week. One of my teammates has brought his partner and new baby (born in August) several times: never met her before the kiddo was born. So yes, baby in bar means everyone gets a chance to show humanity.
My wife is from a culture of constantly trying to make "the baby" happier, always interrupting one thing with some other slightly better thing. It's maddening. And never works. (Our granddaughter, soon to be 8, has been living with us for a year and a half now, so lots of chances to do this.) I've actually been able to lessen this, but ingrained habits can be hard to drop.
A little story about my trivia teammate. Our team is pretty good, and twice a year or so, we've accumulated enough gift card prizes to have a celebratory dinner. It's mid-July and we're having dinner. Talking about dogs. Teammate has a big dog: he's a lawyer and goes to our capital city, 2 hours away, fairly often. Other teammate asks what he does with the dog when he travels.
M: Oh. we bring him along.
C: We?
M: My gf and I.
C: You have a gf?
[interrupting to note: we've all been together most every Wednesday night for more than a year. Not realizing how quiet M is about his life!]
M: Yes!
C: What's her name, what does she do?
M: [gives name] She's not working right now; she's due to give birth in two weeks.
Yes yes yes! Especially to number two. My oldest is five and this still stands - if the child is occupying themself (themselves?) YOU DO NOT NEED TO INVOLVE YOURSELF. It can feel sometimes like crappy parenting if they're hanging out solo, but if they're happy being solo, they're actually absolutely fine - it's good for them, even! Honestly some of the best parts of my day are spent quietly drinking a cup of tea as I observe my three children (ages 1,3 and 5) while they ignore me completely. That's a level of bliss money can't buy. Bask in it.
Basking whenever I can 😅
I, too, saw, somewhere(???), the "Don't try to make a happy kid happier" thing and, my goodness, did it floor me. Mine is 14 and this still applies. Love your writing, and loved noticing something I've been putting into practice right here in your own words and thoughts.
Love that it stays true. Thanks for being here and reading.
"When a baby is occupied, there is no need to occupy them further." v. good general advice.
🙏🏼
I am happy to say that I took my infant daughter to a pub when she was about 3 months old. More than once. We were living in Hong Kong, in Midlevels, a very densely-inhabited neighborhood (not a small ski town, I know). There was an English style pub a few hundred yards down the street and often, when I would take the nipper out for a stroll, I would pop in for a pint and some adult conversation. The pub, as far as I knew, had few other infant visitors, but the clientele were very welcoming.
I took my younger two literally everywhere with me for their first year, because they were so happy to sleep in a baby carrier. I, too, took my baby to the pub more than once, haha (maybe it's an English thing?)
The nipper 😭
lollllll “Do not, under any circumstance, start the process of winnowing down to a capsule wardrobe. You’re already wearing it if you could acknowledge that your capsule wardrobe is simply not that chic” i love this because even though i don’t have a baby, when i have long stretches of free time, i tend to do chores because i am a procrastination cleaner as well. i love everything feeling neat and tidy, and yet, im like “ugh why haven’t i had time to work on this thing i’ve dreamed of doing for so long?” because you keep vacuuming!!!!
lol, gotta lock up our vacuums like they're phones at the dinner table.
If i inadvertently give advice, i apologize. The urge to help not make the same mistakes i did is sometimes irresistible. Did i spend too much time reading and not being the ceiling fan. Did i fail on Halloween costumes. The regret never ends, and trying to mitigate it means advice. Sorry!
I mean here I am, giving advice.
Excellent points!
I'd add, be prompt and calm when they need correction. Allow natural consequences to take their natural course as much as is reasonable.
Husband to 12yo: your glasses broke again?
12, livid: 14yo hit me in the barn
14, smirking: 12 yanked my touque off and threw it in the water trough
Husband to 12: what happened before that?
12, deflating: nothing
Husband: I don't know if there's any warranty left on those. I suppose you each have enough money to go halves on a new pair?
And then they work together and fix them with the JB weld, and consider themselves $300 richer than they would have been otherwise.
Love that.
When our kids were little my husband used to say, "Never touch a running system," which I believe comes from computer programming but also applies to babies!
lol niche and delightful
Bookmarking this. My kiddo is due next week and this is extremely actionable advice.
Sending good vibes!
This is all very solid advice. :)
🙏🏼
This is lovely.
🥰
Brilliant.
🙏🏼
Good stuff.
I play pub trivia every week. One of my teammates has brought his partner and new baby (born in August) several times: never met her before the kiddo was born. So yes, baby in bar means everyone gets a chance to show humanity.
My wife is from a culture of constantly trying to make "the baby" happier, always interrupting one thing with some other slightly better thing. It's maddening. And never works. (Our granddaughter, soon to be 8, has been living with us for a year and a half now, so lots of chances to do this.) I've actually been able to lessen this, but ingrained habits can be hard to drop.
We did bring W3 around to restaurants and pubs when his bedtime was 9, but now that it's 7, he doesn't have much of a night life. 😂
A little story about my trivia teammate. Our team is pretty good, and twice a year or so, we've accumulated enough gift card prizes to have a celebratory dinner. It's mid-July and we're having dinner. Talking about dogs. Teammate has a big dog: he's a lawyer and goes to our capital city, 2 hours away, fairly often. Other teammate asks what he does with the dog when he travels.
M: Oh. we bring him along.
C: We?
M: My gf and I.
C: You have a gf?
[interrupting to note: we've all been together most every Wednesday night for more than a year. Not realizing how quiet M is about his life!]
M: Yes!
C: What's her name, what does she do?
M: [gives name] She's not working right now; she's due to give birth in two weeks.
All: !!!!
C: Your baby??
M: Yep.
A month later, gf and baby are at trivia!
Oh my god I love this guy.